Being Gay
by FandomFanatic7
Summary: Sirius is determined to win over a certain werewolf by the name of Remus John Lupin, no matter the obstacals. One thing was for sure... This would be an interesting year!  Slash RL/SB, some J/L please read and REVIEW! disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
1. Discoveries

**I do not own Harry Potter. **

**A Moonlit Resolution**

I, Sirius Black, womaniser extraordinaire, am gay.

And I honestly have no idea how it happened. I suppose I've always noticed handsome guys, but that was simply appreciating their good looks as they joined the ranks of Sex Gods like myself. But a couple months ago I began to notice other things about guys, I began to wonder what it would feel like dating a guy, kissing one…

Being gay was supposed be wrong, I'd grown up knowing that. Then again I also grew up knowing the best ways to torture Muggles, and how to sever house elf heads so you wouldn't get blood in the carpet. Pretty rough childhood actually…

The _point_ is that I shouldn't be gay. Not 'chase everything in a skirt' Black. I've always dated girls, but now and even then, they're just not that appealing. And I finally had to admit to myself as Sixth Year began to wind down, that I was in fact gay.

But now came the hard part… telling James.

Luckily I didn't fancy him, or that would have been a downright mess, especially with his 'undying and everlasting love for his emerald beauty'. A.K.A. Lily Evans.

The name was thought with an eye-roll and shaking of head.

I had no idea how Prongs would take it; we've never really discussed the issue of homosexuals or their rights. It was a daunting task to say the least.

I knew I had to tell him before summer though. He had invited me to live with his family again during the vacation and I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable or ruin our friendship in the process. So I told him I had something important to tell him after supper and to meet me at the tree by the lake.

I was already standing there when I saw James walking from the castle towards me. Immediately, I felt a great wave of anxiety. However before I could finish contemplating different ways of sneaking off without being seen, James had spotted me.

Despite the fact that I had known that he was coming, I jumped at the sound of his voice, "Okay Sirius, what is this all about?" he asked gruffly, clearly annoyed that I cut his supper or Lily staring time short.

I gulped, trying to figure out the best way to tell my best friend that I was gay _without _freaking him out. Finally I decided to take the Sirius approach and just said bluntly, "Prongs I'm gay."

This made him stop for a moment, "Are you sure mate?"

I could only nod meekly. His face didn't show much more than someone in deep thought, and for not the first time I wished I had a vat of vetriserium with me.

"You don't fancy me do you?" Prongs asked, his voice carefully even.

I stared at him in shock, although I knew this topic would come up, "Of course not! I love you mate but you know as a brother. Don't flatter yourself," I said with a smirk.

He searched my face for another moment before grinning widely, "Good because you know my heart belongs eternally and irrevocably to my Lily flower."

I chuckled; relief flooding through me, making all of my previous doubts seem ludicrous.

"Good thing too because it might just take eternity to convince Evans to go out with you."

He gave me a sarcastic laugh and threw his arm around my shoulders, "You know, I kind of had a feeling that you were swinging the other way…"

I rolled my eyes at what I knew was James attempt of sounding smart and in the loop. This time I didn't mind though, Prongs was still on my side, Remus and Peter on the other hand…

"James you can't tell Moony or Wormtail yet." I told the rambling boy quickly, "I'm not ready for that."

James nodded, "Alright, but I have to warn you that once Lily and I start dating, I won't be able to keep your secret away from her."

"And _when_ are you going to be dating her exactly?" I asked exasperated.

"Well, according to my five year plan, our first date should be coming up in nine months, six days and 14 hours."

I gave him an incredulous look before shrugging, _'Arguing with a love sick James is like finding a brave Peter Pettigrew, it can't be done'_

But right now it didn't matter; maybe being gay wouldn't be that hard after all.

* * *

Why me?

I flopped onto my makeshift bed at the Potters house and buried my face into my pillow. Why was God so focused on how to make my life miserable?

I had been so excited too! Remus and Peter were spending the night here and then going to Diagon Alley with us to get our school supplies before the year started the day after. I had been ecstatic, until I made the worst discovery possible.

We had decided to go swimming in James pool, so the four of us all ran to change into our swimming trunks. I was the first one changed and had to wait for the rest of them when Remus came out.

I had never noticed how beautiful he was before. The werewolf had gorgeous muscles and a lean body covered in an array of light pink scars from his encounters with the full moon. His sandy hair fell perfectly over his amber eyes, a feature I had always liked of his.

Remus spotted me there but was oblivious to my rather obvious amazement and admiration over his body. Instead he smiled at me and walked over in a rather sexy way. But I couldn't let my thoughts go that far, he was my friend and I didn't want to lose that.

The next hour was torture, James constantly insisting games that involved tackling. While I won't deny that I didn't enjoy that contact with Remus, it made it awkward knowing that I was much more pleased with it than I should be.

So halfway through 'King of the Pool', I told them I was tired and headed off to bed.

Which is why I was now dripping all over my bed, trying not to scream in humiliation and frustration. I could NOT be attracted to one of my best mates, this was horrible and mortifying and-

"Sirius?" I heard Remus's tentative voice sound through the doorway to my small, temporary room. I froze, scared to look up but unable to stop myself all the same.

Remus looked stunning with his tousled hair, drops of water rolling slowly down his well-chiselled chest. I had to resist the urge to shudder in a desire that I wanted so badly to suppress.

"Yeah?" I asked huskily, quickly clearing my throat.

He shrugged, "You seemed upset, is everything all right?"

"Oh yeah, just thinking about all the homework Minnie's going to assign us," I lied, although being convincing was harder when you had to force yourself to look away from his eyes.

Remus smiled, not really believing my story but not pressing me either. "Well, where will I sleep? The floor doesn't look particularly comfortable."

I could only stare at him for a moment, "You're sleeping in here?" I asked slowly

"Yup, I suppose we could just share the bed though…"

"Are you sure you want to, I could take the floor," I interjected quickly, hating myself for refusing the opportunity but knowing it was for the best.

"Nah, its okay Sirius I don't mind, the beds big enough for the both of us anyway," He told me.

I felt my heart leap inexplicably even though I knew it meant nothing. "Okay I'll just change," then I got up and went to the bathroom in a slight daze.

Normally I slept in nothing but my boxers, but this time I thought pyjama pants would be a little more appropriate. I decided to leave my chest bare though, '_Can't keep all of this beauty locked up, have to dazzle him just a little,' _I thought to myself, a bit of the old suave Sirius coming out again.

So I strutted over to the open door, trying to keep my confidence alive despite my fears.

Seemed as though Remus had decided to go with the same look as me, pants but no shirt. He was busily trying to straighten up the place, his face scrunched up in concentration was almost too cute to resist.

God this was going to be hard.

I took another deep breath and called out a greeting as I jumped onto the bed. Remus looked up at me sharply but his face softened rapidly.

"So I guess I finally got you in bed, eh, Lupin?" I asked him with a joking wink, my insides squirming. He laughed and turned off the lights, "You wish Black," he told me from somewhere in the darkness. I silently agreed with him.

"Move over," he whispered, climbing into bed with me. Despite him saying that it was a big bed, we were still uncomfortably squished. After several long minutes of twisting and squirming we both finally began to settle and sleep. I honestly didn't think it would be possible with his warm, half nude body so tantalizingly close to me but eventually sleep found me and I dreamed of amber eyes and full moons.

Hours later I opened my bleary eyes to the morning sun, wanting the night to last longer. Especially when I looked down at Remus.

At some point during the night my arm had been slung around the other boys body and he had cuddled up to me. His face lay nuzzling my chest and his arm hugging my torso. I smiled down at him and on impulse, kissed the top of his head lightly.

It was probably just my overactive, hopeful mind, but I could've sworn he smiled softly in his sleep just then. I lay there for a while contemplating what to do but before I could reach a decision, I felt Remus stir beneath me. So I did the only thing I could do… pretend to be innocently asleep.

He murmured something sleepily that I didn't quite catch and then nuzzled my chest in a way that sent my heart rate flying. I _really_ hoped he couldn't feel it.

I felt a light touch on my chest and it took all of my willpower not to jump at it. Remus' fingers drew slow, lazy patterns on my torso as I felt him sigh, his breath tickling my bare skin.

Just as I was beginning to enjoy the sensation, Remus jerked his hand back with a small cry of surprise. Already missing the feeling, I pretended to regain consciousness and try to sit up.

He gasped again, jumped off of me, got caught in the blankets and then went sprawling down onto the floor. I looked down at his beet red face, faking a sleepy confusion while asking thickly, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," the sandy haired boy replied quickly, "just… surprised me is all."

I grinned at him, trying to think of something light, Sirius and unserious to say, "Bad morning breath eh?" I finally said, pointing to my open mouth.

Remus looked at me blankly for a moment before nodding furiously, "Um, I'm going to go change then," he said before grabbing his clothes and dashing out of the room.

My mind was reeling with hope, denials, and explanations but most of all confusion. Deciding that the matter was simply much too complex for the hour, I got up and went for a shower, taking extra time brushing my teeth, washing my face, and combing and styling my hair.

Finally satisfied, I left the bathroom and ran up to the kitchen where my fellow Marauders were already eating their breakfast.

"Took you long enough! We're going in half an hour you know!" James hollered at me, his mouth full of waffles.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Remus turn a light shade of pink. I didn't know if the werewolf could possibly feel the same way as me, but I knew that I wanted to find out. Somehow, I would find a way.

"Sorry," I said before grinning, "Moony must drool in his sleep because he got it all over me."

I felt my stomach flip as his blush deepened to a red colour and Prongs and Wormtail laughed. I took a seat beside Remus and leaned over him to get a waffle, already joking around with my friends, completely at ease except for the closeness of him.

I was afraid, but I needed to know.

Somehow.

* * *

Our trip to Diagon Alley was rather uneventful, besides Lily punching James after he tried to publicly declare his love for her… again. As this was an increasingly more common act, it really wasn't that interesting.

What would be interesting was my second night at the Potters with Remus. I was defiantly looking forward to that.

Luckily Remus was over his embarrassment and was laughing with me again, if he had continued to be as awkward as this morning, I don't think I could bear it. When we got home again, I sensed him getting steadily more nervous and I felt bad for having caused his anxiety.

However my enthusiasm outweighed my guilt as I changed into my pajamas once again. When I got into my room though, disappointment ran through me as I watched Mrs. Potter set up a cot next to the bed.

"Oh Sirius dear! I'm so sorry I didn't do this yesterday; I completely forgot Remus was sharing rooms with you. Hope the bed was big enough for the two of you."

I shrugged, "No it was perfectly fine, you really didn't have to go through the trouble," I told her, trying to keep the pleading note out of my voice.

"Nonsense! Well that should do, good night Sirius," she smiled at me kindly and left the room.

Before I had a chance to vanish the cot, Remus walked in.

"Hey mate, Mrs. Potter brought in the cot then," he said with a relieved smile.

Despite my sinking heart, I managed to choke out a joke, "Come on, you telling me you didn't _looove_ me in bed last night?"

My mood lightened at the blush I was able to produce, "How about no comment?" he told me. I laughed at this, amused but shaky.

The night was cold and restless without Remus beside me. In the dead of night I even considered using magic to lift him into bed with me and just pretending he had done it in his sleep. Of course such thoughts were before rationality took over my brain once again.

I didn't want to scare him, to freak him out. Besides, I knew how angry James would be if he found out I had been abusing my charm on a fellow Marauder.

So as I lay there, bathed in the harmless glow of the half moon, I made a resolution… Remus would be mine before the year was over. Of that, I was sure.

* * *

**Hey! So this is my first Sirius/Remus fic ever, so be nice! The truth is I'm a 100% straight teenage girl, so I have absolutely no idea what their experience would be like, I'm kind of just guessing. But I'm also an aspiring author so I thought I would try taking the complete opposite of myself and see what I can come up with. I'm kind of proud of it but please, read and REVIEW! Tell me what you like, what you don't, any mistakes or suggestions for future chapters, or if you would like me to continue at all. Even a one-sentence review means the world to a writer so please write in and be sure to check out my other story My Immature Life. –MesserMessa **


	2. Questions

**Chapter 2**

Questions

Ever since my dreadful discovery two days prior, I'd begun to notice the subtlest things about Remus. I'd memorized the way he flicks the hair out of his eyes, his expressions, his smile, even his gait. Everything he did was permanently imprinted on my brain despite my frequent self-threats concerning body and face.

Now, I was attempting to think through all of the years I'd spent with Remus and remember if he'd ever actually like a girl. This was a rather unusual process for me, as I prefer to live in the present and avoid thinking about the past and any horrors it possesses.

I knew there was a couple of instances in third and fourth year where he'd liked girls, even dated one once. The thought of him kissing that Hufflepuff made me want to gag so I quickly shuffled that memory in the horror pile. In sixth year, I wasn't so sure. He didn't date anyone and I don't remember him ever telling me that he'd fancied someone but then again, he was always fairly secretive about that kind of thing. He hardly ever went after the girl anyways and I knew it was because he was afraid of his nature and how she would react to it. Yet another reason why I would be perfect for him, I added to my thoughts as a quick ego boost. I had a feeling that I would need a lot of those this coming year.

The next morning saw the four of us late and rushing to the train station, only just boarding the express when it took off. Back in our first year, we had claimed one of the compartments near the back of the train as Marauder property and have kept it as such through means of manipulation, fear, threats and many, many pranks. Sadly, this would be our last year in the small room where we had all first met. Or more importantly to James, where he had first met Lily.

I again, rolled my eyes.

Still, even though I wasn't fond of the way Evans treated my best mate, I realized that he really did love her and I wanted to help make him happy. Which is why Remus and I are currently coaching James before his first head boy meeting.

"You have to relax James," Remus told him soothingly.

"You can't mess this up," I said with a mischievous grin.

"Calm down and you'll be fine"

"This is your last chance"

"Take deep breaths. You've really grown and she's going to see that"

"Don't blow it dude"

Remus shot me a look of annoyance at my uncomforting words, but what can I say? It's just too much fun messing with the lovesick boy.

Said boy looked between his two friends with a face of utter panic. "Guys, I don't think I can do this," he hyperventilated. "She's going to see right through me."

"Not if you're sincere," Remus said. "When you're not around Sirius, you're actually quite mature. You just have to show her that side of you. Away from Sirius.

I pouted. "Hey! Remus that wasn't very nice, I can be mature," I whined.

"Really?" he said, turning to me with an amused smile on his face, "When have you ever acted mature?"

I grinned devilishly and opened my mouth to reply before he cut me off.

"And there's a difference between _being_ mature and _doing_ mature things to girls."

I pouted again, but conceded his point.

Maybe James wasn't the only one who could win his love through maturity.

As I pondered this, Remus continued to feed James advice about the coming prefect meeting. I remembered the moment Lily found out that James would be head boy, she had been positively livid and I'm mature enough to admit that I was terrified of the red head at that moment. And I run around with werewolves. Anyways, James was pretty impressive, as he must have been mentally preparing himself for the confrontation ever since he found out Dumbledore had chosen him. He stood his ground and calmly explained to Lily that it was not, indeed, a prank- where would she have gotten that idea? - Nor had he swiped it from Remus or anyone else. I smiled at the entire memory of it, as it had been quite hilarious despite the frightening circumstances.

Suddenly, I became aware that someone was waving his hand in front of my face in an attempt to get my attention. Coming back to the present moment, I realized it was Remus calling me back to earth and I immediately focussed.

He smiled at me and said, "Finally, Padfoot, I thought you'd gone into some sort of trance."

"Only around you, Moony," I told him with a wink and was pleased that he had to hide a smile about my comment.

Peter piped up from the couch where he was gorging himself on candy, "Nah that's just the face he makes when he's thinking. It's too bad we never see it."

James and Remus collapsed into laughter and I was happy to finally see the frantic boy relaxing even as I shot Peter a mock glare. True to nature, he ducked his head and cowered slightly behind his stacks of food. I pulled him into a headlock with a grin on my face and gave him noogie.

Finally the head boy and the prefect both took their leave and I spent the next hour playing exploding snap with Wormtail. Just as the game was starting to get dull, the two other Marauders showed up to tell of us of their adventures down in Lily Land.

Although, seeing as James had a faraway, dreamy look on his face, Remus was forced to explain.

"Well, it all went fine. James was mature, no pranks, only a couple of tactful jokes. I think Lily was really impressed actually."

I nodded my head, "And is that why James' is currently lost in space?"

Remus gave a low chuckle and I felt my stomach flip slightly, "No, that would be because some Ravenclaw came to get a picture of all of the prefects and basically forced Lily and James to hug. He tried to refuse, which was good or else Lily would've probably thought he'd set the whole thing up, but he finally got his hug. And it was even semi-willingly!"

I laughed at this and slung my arm around James. "Good on ya' mate," I said with a bad Australian accent and everyone laughed.

The four of us filed out of the train, reminiscing about past pranks and good times when I saw her.

Lily Evans. Boarding a carriage. Alone.

This could be James' chance!

Only just suppressing a smirk, I quickly pulled Remus away from the group. "What the-" he asked, obviously confused by my behaviour.

With great effort I forced myself to ignore the physical contact I was having with Remus' arm and concentrated on the carriage instead. "Look, we have to get on that carriage! Lily's on there all alone and this could be James' only chance."

Remus shook the flustered look of his face and glanced behind him at the horseless ride, "I hardly think this would be James' _only _chance but…"

I grinned at him, my finger prodding his side until he finished the sentence. He shot me an annoyed glare, swatted my fingers away and said, "But I guess it couldn't hurt."

"Yes," I fist pumped the air, repressing a loud whoop.

He smiled at me and I had to force the butterflies away once again. Damn, this year was going to be hard. Instead of dwelling on that fact however, Remus and I dashed over to our fellow Marauders and, without a word, hurled them into Lily's carriage.

"Jeez, what's your problem Pad- Lily!" James exclaimed, bolting upright the moment he saw her startled face.

I hid a snicker.

Apparently I didn't hide it well though because now Remus is glaring at me. I flashed him an innocent smile that he didn't buy for a second. Instead I turned to Lily and told her in my most sincere voice, "We didn't want you to be alone dear."

The redhead looked first at me in shock, then at Remus questioningly and finally at James- completely skipping over Peter- where a bit of a blush started to rise on her cheeks.

I hid another snicker with a little more success this time.

Remus still glared at me though.

"Um, well if y-y-you, you know, d-don't mind us or a-anything… uh, yeah," James stuttered, his hands running through his hair in a nervous gesture.

Lily looked at his hair for a moment before sighing, "Well we're already moving so I guess I can't stop you. Do you want to take a seat somewhere other than the floor though?"

James turned bright red at her comment, looking for the seat farthest away from her possible. Remus and I, however, seemed to have the same thought and dashed to the other side, colliding into each other in our haste to force James beside Lily.

We were both slumped over the seat, one of my arms reaching over him and his legs tangled in mine. I was certain that my colour had risen to a dark crimson at his touch and the sound of his breathy laughter. With a couple of nervous chuckles on both sides, Remus and I quickly sorted ourselves out into the two respectable seats whilst refusing to look at one another.

Was this a good or bad sign? Ugh! Why were blokes so bloody confusing?

The four of us, each blushing madly as we sat by our crushes (or in my case unrequited love), had completely forgotten about the small, rat like boy seated on the floor still.

"Guys, where am I going to sit?" Peter asked, his expression and manner grumpy.

I looked awkwardly from Lily (who looked like she wasn't budging or sitting closer to James) to James (who looked terrified of imposing on Lily) and then to Remus (who shrugged at me before patting the space between us).

I wondered at how he could be so nonchalant when simply the thought of sitting that close to him made my hear stutter and race. Despite my musings, I slid over to make room for the last Marauder.

I wasn't sure whether or not to thank him or curse him for the close contact I was now guiltily enjoying with Remus. Peter was a bit larger than the rest of us and was forcing my arms and thighs to lightly brush against that of Remus'. Wherever our skin- clothed or bare- made touched I could feel a tingling sensation race through me. The feeling was so overwhelming that I had to concentrate on keeping my breathing deep and steady. Otherwise, I was sure that my mind would run away too much more intimate thoughts and my body would betray me.

While I had been working on my self-control, Remus was being the ever-diligent friend and conducted the small talk as the only mutual friend for the group. James was giving him a grateful look that said he would be on his knees kissing Remus' feet if Lily wasn't there watching. Speaking of the apple of Prongs' eye, she seemed to be actually enjoying the conversation and company. I noticed with an equal amount of surprise and smugness that she was A) smiling and B) casting some somewhat thoughtful glances at James periodically.

This was a very good sign.

And just as suddenly as our journey to Hogwarts began- what with me launching everyone into the carriage- it was over and we were heading into the famed school of witchcraft and wizardry.

Spotting her friends, Lily gave us a wave and even a genuine smile (mostly directed at James I might add) before heading off. I'm honestly surprise James didn't faint or swoon at her gaze with the dreamy look he had on.

Sometimes, he could be such a girl.

Maybe that's why I've never, _ever_ been attracted to him.

… Possible.

I was stripped from my thoughts when I felt Remus tugging at my arm, pulling me into the Great Hall and seating me down beside him.

Turning towards him, I met his amber eyes and smiled gratefully. He held my steely ones for a moment as well and it felt as though all the din and noise of the Hall was suddenly diminished. For a moment it was just Remus and I in the world and a feeling of absolute perfection engulfed me.

That is, until life got in the way again.

The squeals and yells filtered in and I tore my eyes away from his. Do I dare think that I saw remorse in his face at doing this? Surely it was better to simply not hope?

I had thought that it was better but now I'm not so certain. I mean, I still wanted to try and see where this relationship could go and I know Remus deserved some happiness. So why couldn't he find that with me?

Already I had so many question flitting around my head that I couldn't keep track of them all and it occurred to me that perhaps it would be best to seek out some advise.

But from whom?

Haha! Another chapter is finis! I know I haven't updated in months because I am a horribly unfaithful author but I promise more regular updates in the future, seeing as it's summer and all. Life's sort of gotten in the way lately (like Sirius mentioned earlier). I've got some family stuff going on and had a workload that would gain even Hermoine's respect. Not to place blame or anything, it's still my fault and I'm working on it. But if you want one sure-fire way to get me to update, it REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! It's honestly the best feeling in the world so please spare a few seconds and tell me what you like, what you didn't and any suggestions you have for the future. I promise to take them all into consideration. Please, be somewhat kind in any criticisms you may have as this is my first slash fic so I'm still a little fragile :P.

REVIEW!

-MesserMessa

P.S. Thanks for all that have reviewed so far, you guys are awesome!


	3. Enemy

Chapter 3

Going to the Enemy

My eyes swept the room with little hope for someone to give me advice. My gaze stopped briefly on Evans and I considered: she was accepting, loyal and I knew she could keep a secret, what with Remus' lycanthrope and all. Still we were supposed to be enemies so I'd have to discard that option.

I couldn't bloody well tell James that I wanted to snog one of his best mates, he'd freak. Even if he was OK with me being gay, I knew there was some sort of limit before he began to get seriously awkward and I think asking for romantic advice would cross that line at this point. Maybe in a couple of months but not know.

There was Peter too, the chubby, cowardly Gryffindor who also happened to be the fourth Marauder. I didn't think I would ever confide in him though, he seemed like the type to go spill his guts out to anyone who threatened him. It really was a wonder he was friends with us at all and I don't mean that in a snobby or mean way. Its just there seems to be some sort of pattern with me, James and Remus and he sort of defies it. I guess it creates balance though… couldn't have all this good looking could we?

I knew Remus would normally be the one I'd go to first, I could tell anything to him and he would just listen patiently and offer the perfect, most inspiring words possible. Unfortunately, this was one matter in which he most definitely could _not_ be involved.

I ran my hand through my hair before I noticed Remus staring at me. His amber eyes looked thoughtful and his face relaxed, though there was a trace of something else in there that I couldn't identify.

Dispelling my muddled thought, I snapped my fingers in front of his handsome face and successfully brought him back to earth.

Back to me.

I shivered at the thought but he didn't seem to notice.

"Sorry," he said with a gentle smile. "I was just… thinking. Were you talking to me?"

Completely ignoring his last question, I inquired, "What were you thinking about?"

His face flushed and his eyes looked away. "Nothing. Just thinking. Haven't you ever done that before?" he said quickly, closing the matter.

Bewildered at his defensive matter and sudden enthusiasm in the First Years sorting, I confirmed my earlier thought that blokes were crazy and confusing. This of course brought me back to my original dilemma.

Who to tell.

I found my eyes resting once again on Evans and sighed. It looked as if she was really the only one I could talk to after all so I made a mental note to corner her later and force her to listen to my problems.

Having the decision made, I averted my eyes before James noticed and somehow concluded that I was in love with his Lily flower. Leave it up to James to disregard the fact that I was gay and get worried that I was going to steal his love from him, I thought with an eye roll.

Before I looked away though, I noticed the redhead glance in our direction before quickly pretending to have been searching out a different face than James. I smirked at her obviousness, plans for becoming their child's godfather already swirling in my head.

Our signature opening day prank included lifting the Slythern's seats sixty feet in the air for a total of forty-five minutes before Dumbledore figured the reversal spell out and gave us our first detention of the school year. I accepted it of course, having thoroughly enjoyed seeing the green clad students faces as they hovered dangerously high above everyone else. After the stern talking to we received from Minnie though, we were allowed to head up to our Common Room and sleeping quarters for bed.

We'd occupied the same dormitory for six years before this and it felt like home now, at least more so than mine ever did. The idea that we would be leaving it in ten months left a throbbing ache in my chest, fear in my heart and a healthy dose of excitement for what came _beyond_.

The four of us had become so comfortable with each other that we often just stripped in the room instead of behind our bed's curtains. Usually this wasn't a problem but with Remus only a couple feet to right it was hard to control the impulse to jump him. I managed of course, but just barely.

Instead, I kept sneaking glances at Remus. His nimble fingers worked the buttons out of his shirt, pushing it over his slim shoulders and draping it on the chair beside his four-poster bed. The well-muscled chest that I was beginning to know and love appeared, allowing me to see the web of faded scars that was drawn across its hard planes. He took off his shoes and stood up, making my breath catch as he brushed his light brown hair out of his beautiful face. Yet despite my thundering heart, he was still completely oblivious of how much I wanted to touch his silky tresses, his scarred torso, his-

_Oh Lord! Now he's taking off his pants!_ I thought with a panicked expression. The trousers slipped off slowly, sliding against his skin to reveal him in his dark blue boxers. I knew what lay behind those and I could feel my own stiffening at the thought.

Thoroughly alarmed by the idea of being discovered- _please not Remus, anyone but Remus- _I abruptly stood up and announced that I was going for a shower and scurried off, subtly hiding myself from the others. How had this happened? Remus hadn't even touched me, not even a look and I was turned on! The boy held a power over me that knew no bounds.

I heard the three of them calling after me, obviously questioning my timing. Right now though all I could think of Remus and that just made the cold shower all the more necessary.

After half an hour of calming down in the icy torrents, I dried myself off and climbed into bed with silent footsteps. There was a reason they called me Padfoot after all. My three best mates weren't asleep though and as I dived under the covers James spoke.

"What's your perfect woman?" he asked with what I was sure was a goofy smile playing on his face.

I remained silent but Peter joined in. "Definitely blond," he said. "And short."

I chuckled, knowing that this was because Wormtail absolutely hated being the smaller one in a couple. Remus and I were about the same height though so it didn't really matter to me.

Deciding to humour him, I asked James, "so what would your perfect woman be?"

"Beautiful," he began dreamily, "with long legs and long hair. Red, I think. A pale face like porcelain embedded with green emeralds that could rival the-"

Sensing one of his many poems coming on, I quickly changed the subject. "_So, _Remmy. Who's your perfect girl?" I asked with baited breath and a sinking heart at his coming answer.

A long pause came from his bed and I wondered if he had heard my question at all. Finally though he answered hesitantly.

"Well, I don't know. I haven't thought a lot about it."

Peter and I both sat up and looked at Remus, his face flushed and his eyes downcast.

"You haven't thought about it at all?" the chubby boy asked incredulously. I was equally disbelieving.

"…Well," he began, "I guess I have thought about someone a little."

"Who?" James inquired having finally snapped out of his daydream.

Remus blushed a violent red in the darkness and murmured something incoherent. We waited silently for another minute-something that was extremely rare for the Marauders- until the werewolf sighed.

"I guess they'd have to be smart."

We gave him a sense of our disapproval at his generic statement.

"That's it?"

"Smart? Ravenclaw smart? That doesn't tell us anything!"

"We need more than smart mate and you're not getting out of this."

He laughed at our comments but continued nervously nonetheless. "I like dark hair and blue or, um, grey eyes too. They'd be about my height and really han- I mean pretty."

Remus took a deep breath before continuing, "They'd have to be funny, always able to make me laugh, loyal, brave, spontaneous and passionate. Nothing's ever half measure with them, they go all out all the time and there's not a thing in the world that can hold them back. They're beautiful in every sense of the word."

We were silent, astounded by the speech that had beat out all of James' mediocre poetry by far. Without knowing why I felt my eyes brimming with unshed tears that I refused to let fall.

_I will not cry. I will NOT cry. I WILL NOT CRY!_

James finally spoke up, the sarcasm dripping to my left, "No, you haven't thought about this at all."

I knew Remus was a deep crimson by this point and I couldn't help but wonder with jealousy and bitterness who this mystery girl was. More than ever I needed Lily.

Wow. I never, ever thought I'd think that.

Remus, wanting to get the topic of him no doubt, turned to me and asked, "What about you Pads? Who's your perfect woman?"

I heard James snort and glared in his direction despite the darkness. Sighing, I briefly considered responding 'you' and just getting this whole thing over with. But I knew couldn't do that, he didn't feel the same way- at least not at this point- and I was determined not to scare him off.

So instead of declaring my feeling for him, I did the next best thing.

"Well," I began slowly, " the person I want to be with is quiet and smart. They're probably the kindest person I've ever known, not to mention the sexiest."

I grinned, thinking about how much I admired Remus' body. "They have all the right words and can always bring me back to earth when I'm in the clouds. But most importantly," I took a deep breath, "They have the most incredible amber eyes."

There, that was about as close as I've ever been to admitting my feelings. I wondered if James would figure it out, knowing I'm gay and all, but I doubted it. He could be really thick at times.

"Sounds like you have someone specific in mind," James commented with suspicion, though the slight question in his voice ensured me that he still didn't know to whom I was referring to.

Remus spoke quietly from the other side of me, "yeah." I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking right then. Did he know? Was he disgusted? Or maybe, a small, ever hopeful voice sounded in my head, he knew and was happy I was talking about him. I shuffled this to the back of the possibilities, filed as 'unlikely.'

For now.

So, I drifted off into an uneasy sleep filled with dream of Remus' shadowy love interest.

I envisioned her with claws and savage teeth. An accurate portrayal in my opinion.

The next morning was full of first day speeches from teachers on behaviour and rules and blah, blah, blah. I naturally ignored all of this.

Instead, I was attempting to come up with a strategy to talk to Evans. I needed a way to get her away from the Great Hall for lunch and talk to her in private without anyone knowing. I needed something subtle, silent and above all else, discreet.

After a dull History of Magic, I pulled away from the group and ran screaming down the hall in the opposite direction.

Stopping around the corner I waited for the exclamations of surprise and wonder but all I heard was James say nonchalantly, "So who wants lunch?" and walk away.

Hmm, maybe I did the running and screaming thing a little too much.

Resolving to ponder this later, I headed over to the doors of the Great Hall and carefully concealed myself in the shadows. There I crouched, watching as the all of the students headed in. I even got a nice look at Remus' butt; he really did have an excellent ass. Before I could get too James dreamlike with my crush, I caught a glimpse of the fiery red hair that I'd had described to me far too many times by Prongs.

She was walking with her friends who were all laughing and giggling, as Lily-since when have I thought of her as Lily? Blasted James. Blasted Remus. Its all their fault- blushed a pink that clashed terribly with her hair. James would have undoubtedly called it cute though.

"I do not!" Lily cried out.

"You're kidding me," Alice chortled. She was another girl in our year that was currently going steady with Frank Longbottom. "You couldn't take your eyes off of him yesterday!"

Lily seemed at a loss of words for once, I noted gleefully. I thought briefly about reporting this back to Prongs later, because it was most certainly about him but decided against it for three reasons:

Evans would murder me.

James' head was big enough without me inflating it. Besides, he'd probably mess the whole thing up thinking that she fancied him even a little. And

Evans is just downright scary.

Despite her terrifying nature, I snaked my arm out as she passed and pulled her into the shadowy alcove I was occupying. I considered covering her mouth with my hand but was pretty sure she'd just bite it if I did so, so I refrained.

"What the bloody hell!" she exclaimed when she caught sight of her captor. "Sirius what do you think your doing?"

I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times, struggling to verbalize my weakness. The girl across from me raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms expectantly. I already felt sorry for her future kid (and my godson!), she had the disappointed mother look down pat. She continued looking at me.

Damn it. This was going to hard.

Finally I recovered my vocal cords enough to say, "I need your help."

Lily gave me a surprised look that I certainly wasn't surprised to see. The great Sirius Black asking for aid? It simply wasn't done!

"With what?" she asked me with obvious suspicion in her voice.

I cleared my throat, "I, uh, well like someone and-"

"Oh no," she said, pointing a finger at me, "I am _not _helping you get into another girls pants!"

I looked at her helplessly, murmuring, "It's not a girl."

The redhead gave me a blank look, not understanding… or not wanting to.

Sighing, I helped her along, "It's a guy."

"A guy," she said slowly. "You-you're gay?" she asked with disbelief written clear on her face.

I winced at the word, still not completely comfortable with it. "Guilty as charged," I shrugged.

"I, uh, well this is a lot to take in." she said, unsure of herself before turning to mistrust once again, "you're not pulling another prank are you?"

Now I rolled my eyes at the Head Girl, "no, it's not a prank. You know we don't do that all the time anymore."

She gave me a look, obviously thinking of the one we orchestrated the day prior and I relented, "OK, well not as much."

I received her own sarcastic eye roll and I smiled, feeling more at ease with her already.

The redhead sat down and gestured for me to do so as well. Looking up, she asked, "So who is he?"

I closed my eyes, hardly believing I was actually about to tell Evans, the enemy, the bane of my existence. But then I glanced down at her again and saw her kind eyes and open face. Slowly, I felt my opinion of her began to change, thinking that maybe James wasn't such a dunderhead at picking girls after all…

With a final shake of my head, I sat down next to her.

"Remus."

Another chapter complete! Is Remus gay? Does he feel the same way? All these questions are probably plaguing you _right this moment_ and the only definite way to get the answers faster is to REVIEW! I really appreciate it and it does make me update faster so please take a sec and let me know what you think. I promise some more romance, fluff and sexiness to come if you press that review button!

**-MesserMessa**

**P.S. I always forget these, are they really even necessary? Remus and Sirius are telling me yes so here it is: I do not own Harry Potter, but when I rule the world that will change. Yes, that will **_**all**_** change. *evil grin* just kidding J.K.R.!**


	4. Detention

**Still don't own Harry Potter.**

Detention

"_So who is he?"_

"_Remus."_

Lily stared at me in shock for a moment, processing the fact that I was seriously crushing on my best friend and fellow Marauder.

"Does James know?" she asked me first. I hesitated, "Well he knows I'm gay but not that I like Remus, although I don't really care if you want to tell him later." I lifted my eyebrows suggestively and she blushed.

"Well maybe… But Remus?" she questioned, her voice incredulous, "I mean, you're both so _different_."

I put my head in my hands, "I know! I just can't help it. He's so sweet and amazing. Probably the kindest person I've ever met. Not to mention the smartest, funniest, wisest, most handsome…" I trailed off blushing furiously.

She shook her head, a smile at her lips, "you really like him don't you." It wasn't a question.

It was most definitely a statement.

A true one at that.

I looked at her helplessly, "Yeah, I do. But I don't know if he's gay and I think he might like someone else anyways… I just… I don't know what to do."

My voice was small now, vulnerable and I could feel Lily's pity swell. Normally I would never accept such an emotion from someone else but right now it just felt good to be heard. She put her arms around me and whispered soothingly, "It's OK Sirius. You don't know any of that for sure. What you need is more information."

I pulled away from her comforting embrace enough to look at her eyes, which were already sparkling with a plan.

"And how do you propose I do that?" I asked her, "Divination?"

She rolled her eyes at me before continuing with her thought, "I meant just try to glean some information from him on his possible crush. Maybe it was a one day or one week kind of deal. Maybe it's you." She smirked.

I snorted, my doubt rather obvious. If he had liked me than surely he would have said something or reacted in someway other than unconscious cuddling when we were in bed together. I mean not everyone gets the opportunity to share a bed with sexy beast Sirius Black. It's really a privilege.

Sometimes my arrogance astounds even myself.

"Just try and get him to open up about it, OK?" she asked me. "You might get something valuable out of it."

I nodded my agreement. Despite my scepticism, her advice was by far more logical and helpful than the moping strategy I had been about to adopt.

"Thanks Lily," I told her with a genuine smile, "Maybe James' lyrics about your 'kind heart and gentle nature' weren't so far off after all."

She stiffened and blushed at my words, her eyes downcast as she attempted to ask casually, "he wrote lyrics about that?"

I twisted my coming smirk into something that more closely resembled a smile and left the redhead to mull it over. We were both lost in thought about our love interests and how best to approach them. Even with all of my problems swirling around my mind, I sincerely hoped that she would go and talk to James and give the lovesick boy a chance for once. The two really were perfect for each other. I just hoped she would be able to see it soon.

Lily's POV

Sirius' words had left me a lot to think about, even though I was the one who was supposed to be giving him advice. I sat in silence, alone with my thoughts as students began to drift out of the Great Hall after their lunch.

Perhaps James wasn't such a prick after all. He'd certainly changed since last year. The bespectacled boy hadn't really stopped his pranks but they seemed far less harmful to people emotionally and physically than before. The tricks he played nowadays truly seemed more out of good fun than any desire to hurt someone, not even their number one enemy Severus Snape.

All thoughts of my old best friend vanished as the object of my musings, James Potter, appeared before me, cocking his head quizzically at my place on the floor.

"Lily?" he asked uncertainly, the smooth quality of his voice making my insides melt just a little. "Are you OK?"

His hazel eyes were so full of genuine concern and… love that I couldn't look at them for too long without shaking. Instead, I gestured for him to sit beside me. Those eyes widened for a moment at my suggestion but obliged without question.

I took a deep breath- his presence was slightly intoxicating- before answering him, "I'm fine. Sirius was just telling me that he's gay and has a crush on Remus."

James was staring at me now, obviously astounded by my insider knowledge. Finally he responded with more than a little admiration in his voice, "wow. I'm surprised you could get that much out of Sirius, I sure as hell couldn't. Shouldn't really be that shocked though; Sirius has been ogling Remus forever."

I laughed, startled at how easy it was to do so around him. He smiled at me and I smiled back, our faces nearer than they'd ever been before without me trying to hex the life out of him. Eventually, he cleared his throat and leaned away. Already, I missed the closeness.

"Could you just keep an eye on the two of them," I asked. "Make sure Sirius doesn't do something stupid."

This time James laughed and I felt my stomach flip. "Yeah, sure. No guarantees though. Pads can be pretty thick at times," He said grinning. Then the brunette stood up and offered me his hand, which I took after only the smallest of hesitations.

His hand was warm.

Sirius POV

The four of us were being addressed by Filch, our heads hung in mock shame. The detention the crusty caretaker was giving us wasn't really that bad but we all pretended to flinch at the sentence. The entire procedure was almost routine now; we'd repeated it so many times.

"You're lucky I don't string your thumbs up from the ceilings, little troublemakers. Instead," he said with a nasty smile, "You'll be polishing for the next couple of hours."

We all groaned, right on cue.

"Oh be quiet," he snapped, "Potter, Pettigrew. You're to polish all of the suites of armour in the entranceway. I'll be accompanying you two. Black, Lupin you head over to the trophy room and shine up all them awards. Mrs. Norris is watching though so don't get any funny ideas." With that, the grimy man limped in the opposite direction with a dejected looking James and Peter in tow. Just before they rounded the corner though, Prongs shot me a meaningful gaze from myself to Remus.

He obviously knew. Evans must have told him shortly after I'd left. The thought brought a smile to my face and it seemed as though I really was warming up to the girl. I couldn't help but shake my head in disbelief at this thought.

Suddenly, I felt a tug at my arm and focussed my attention on a much more interesting specimen. That of Remus John Lupin.

His pink lips were pouting and I had an impulsive urge to just reach out and capture them with my own. Instead of being so bold though, I contented myself with staring longingly at them until Remus literally began dragging me down the hall.

"Come on Sirius," He pleaded, "What is with you?"

Snapping out of my reverie, I replied, "What? Oh nothing, just thinking."

For the moment, he let it drop and we began to polish the dull metal without any assistance from magic. The two of us continued like this in silence for a long time before it occurred to me that maybe this was the chance Lily was speaking of.

"So," I began slyly, still cleaning. "You seem pretty smitten with someone? Who is that you fancy?" I asked.

He blushed an adorable pink and vigorously scrubbed at a non-existent spot before retorting, "no one."

My bark like laughter echoed around the room, disturbing the watchful cat behind us for a moment until she settled down again. "Doesn't sound like no one if you ask me," I told him more kindly.

Remus, however, just muttered bitterly, "They don't like me. There is no way they'd ever like me."

His sulky face broke into one of surprise as a dirty dishcloth hit it and bounced off. I hadn't even realized I'd thrown it until it was in the air and by then it was too late.

"What was that for?" he asked me, his voice more startled than hurt.

I felt my collar grow hot as I responded, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to it's just… I can't stand it when you talk about yourself as if you don't deserve someone's love."

"But I don't," Remus said in all seriousness, "I'm a monster."

I stood up abruptly, letting the trophy I had been polishing clatter to the floor. "You are _not_ a monster," I hissed at him and stalked away.

It took a few moments before I heard the werewolf come up behind me. He laid a hesitant hand on my shoulder and it took all of my self-control not to sigh or shiver at his touch.

"I'm sorry Pads. I didn't mean to upset you," he told me softly.

Biting my lip and knowing I'd regret this, I turned around and gave him a forceful hug. He let out a muffled cry of surprise but soon lent into my embrace, if only a little timidly.

My chin rested in the crook of his neck and I breathed in his scent slowly, savouring it as my arms pulled him ever closer. His owns hands were positioned lightly on my back and his face buried in my chest. It felt so right just to hold him and I thought to myself that I would be perfectly happy if I spent forever like this.

"You are not a monster," I whispered again and heard him sniffle. We stayed like that for a few more minutes – though it really could have been seconds or hours for all I knew- before we finally broke apart. He looked up at me through half-lidded eyes and my own strayed to his sultry lips, yet still I restrained.

Ever since I'd first known the boy, I had felt a powerful, instinctual desire to protect him from harm. His fragile, scar-ridden body tugged at my hardened heart and I felt all of my defences lower whenever I was near his warm face. There had always been something about Remus, something different between the two of us than any other relationship I'd experienced. It was as if we were two magnets, polar opposites hopelessly pulled together by an inexplicable attraction much stronger than either of us realized.

The tension in the air hung as thick as a curtain, veiling us from the rest of the world. This small escape from reality, to just let myself fantasize for one second about the two of us being a regular couple, is when the word 'love' crept into my mind for the first time

I suppressed the thought though. Remus was a long way from being ready for that, if he ever was.

Instead, the brunette smiled up at me with his lopsided grin and hugged my torso again. Did his hands linger as he pulled away? The little brushes against my chest and hip as he retracted his fingers sent fire and ice racing through my body. I cleared my mind of such thoughts with nothing short of a Herculean effort.

"Thank you," he said simply, though the emotion behind his voice was poorly disguised. And there was something in his eyes as well, something considering, something I couldn't quite place beyond that.

Before I could further wonder about this unidentified gleam of the eye, the sound of Filch's distinctive thumping limp echoed throughout the hall.

Upon hearing his footsteps, the two of us sprung apart from our intimate embrace and resumed polishing. The caretaker entered the room and snarled, "if you want to get out of here before midnight, you're going to have to work faster than that! Hurry up or I'll get the rack," he cackled.

After menacing us with insubstantial threats for a while, he grew bored and wandered off to terrify some unsuspecting First Years instead. The two of us continued to work in silence until our detention was finally over. After meeting up with James and Peter and heading up to our dormitory, we were all exhausted and immediately fell asleep. Still, thoughts of that tender look Remus had given me floated in my minds eye and I resolved to talk to Lily about it later.

That and the whole 'love' problem.

Thanks for all the reviews so far! You guys are amazing! Yeah, this story is shaping up to have a bit of James/Lily back-story behind it so I'm hoping you're enjoying that aspect of it as well. Don't worry though; this is still a Remus/Sirius story first and foremost and there's a lot more of that to come! If you like the story so far than please press that review button and tell me what you think! I love hearing you're opinions so don't be shy and please share them. I'm not picky; one line or whole paragraphs, either is fine and greatly appreciated by me.

REVIEW!

-MesserMessa :)


	5. Transformations

Transformations

Ever since our gentle moment in detention, surrounded by the romantic fumes of polish no less, Remus has been avoiding me like the plague.

At first it was small things; Remus needs to finish an essay; Remus is tired; Remus is out for a walk.

More like Remus is hiding from Sirius.

Once I'd even spotted him reading in the library and sat down next to him, determined to get him to talk to me.

"So, you feel like speaking to me yet?" I asked him with more force than necessary.

The sandy-haired boy jumped at my voice, his eyes darting around the room for possible exits. "Wha-what do you mean?" he asked, tension in his body and face.

"You've been avoiding me," I told him and continued quickly when I saw him open his mouth in protest. "Don't lie to me, I've seen the way you run when I come over. I'm your friend not a damn Hungarian Horntail!"

My voice had risen and Madame Pince was looking over at us, her expression pinched with disappointment. I ducked my head and hissed, "So what I want to know is _why_?"

He opened and closed his mouth, looking very much like a fish. His eyes still had that wild, trapped look to them.

"Did I do something to make you angry?" I questioned softly, truly concerned should this be the case.

Remus shook his head viciously though, so I had to conclude that this was not the reason. However, before I could ask him why again he abruptly stood up, the chair clanging to the floor.

"I have to go study," he said quickly and without meeting my eyes.

I shouted after him as he all but ran out of the room, "But you're already in a library!"

Sitting back down in my chair, I sighed, ran a hand through my hair and ignored the annoyed looks I was receiving from Pince. I couldn't understand it; I couldn't understand any of it. Not a week ago, we had been sharing the most magical moment of my life and now he couldn't even look me in the eye. What had changed? He'd seemed so grateful for my support at the time and I just couldn't get my head around his elusive actions now. Perhaps what I needed was some more advice.

Sighing once again, I left the library to Madame Pince's relief and headed for the Common Room where I hoped to find my recent friend Lily.

"Nifflermug," I murmured to the Fat Lady with a disheartened voice. What I saw when I entered the plush room did somewhat lighten my foul mood.

James and Lily, both smiling and laughing, caught sight of me and sprang apart as if they were performing some sort of indecency instead of just talking. I chuckled and felt more like their matchmaker than their friend.

"Was I interrupting something?" I asked their beet red faces, raising my eyebrow.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Padfoot," James told me.

I smirked and sat down on the chair opposite them, my face growing serious. "Do you mind then if I ask for some help?"

"Of course not," Lily said just a little to quickly. James glanced at her still blushing face and smiled.

There was no doubt in my mind that they would be a couple before the year was out.

"OK, so Remus has been avoiding me ever since detention last week and I can't figure out why."

"Well what did you say to him mate?" James asked.

Lily chimed in as well, "Yeah, what happened in detention?"

I pretended to think back even though the events were permanently stamped into my brain. "Er," I started, "I asked him about who he fancied like you'd suggested and he got really defensive about it and then told me how they wouldn't like him anyways. Told me he thought they'd think he was a monster."

Just thinking about his utter belief in the statement made so many emotions rise up in my chest. Anger, anguish, pain, love… damn not again!

I shook my head. "So I told him it wasn't true, which it isn't," I said fiercely though neither was disagreeing. "And then I hugged him."

"Like how did you hug him?" James asked.

"Like this."

I stood up, walked toward him and gave him a long, lingering embrace. He patted my back awkwardly and tried to pull away but I just held him tighter. I winked at Lily and she giggled at my successful attempt at making James uncomfortable. Finally, I sat down again and said, "Of course, it was millions of times better with Remus."

He pouted, "hey! I'm a pretty awesome hugger too!"

"Yes you are," Lily told him as she laid a hand on his arm that all three of us noticed with surprise (Lily), happiness (James) or smugness (me). "Uh," she cleared her throat and turned to me once more, "is that all that happened? Did he hug you back?"

I nodded glumly, "I think he liked it, I mean he didn't pull away or anything. So I don't know why he won't talk to me."

Lily and James had no answers for me except to keep trying to talk to him. James even promised to attempt to speak with him himself and get the story. I doubted his efforts would be anymore useful then my own but I supposed that it couldn't really hurt either. Still feeling miserable, I looked out the window and noticed the rising moon.

It was full.

I turned towards James quickly and exclaimed, "The moon's full!"

He nodded, thought in his eyes, "Perhaps that's why Remus has been so agitated of late. It may have nothing to do with you at all Pads, just a werewolf dreading becoming a werewolf again."

I nodded but couldn't really believe that the problem was not at least partially my fault. In a few hours, the three of us would trek out to the Shrieking Shack in our animagus forms to help ease the pain of Remus' agonizing transformation.

Just the thought of his coming change made me want to find the lycanthrope and kiss away the hurt. Of course the search would be futile and the results if I were to do this would be disastrous.

Instead, James, Peter and I were all huddled under the invisibility cloak as we snuck out of the castle. I was surprised that Lily hadn't figured out about our second forms yet but I guess that would all change in six months, 14 days and 16 hours- all according to James' five-year plan.

Once outside, we waited until after Madame Pomfrey had delivered a shaking Remus to the shack. When he passed us with a frightened expression, I took a small step forwards and reached out with traitorous fingers. Due to his supernaturally sharp hearing, he heard me and glanced over, his strained features softening for a moment. Just that brief second of respite for him calmed my own frantic heart.

We changed into our animagus; James a stag, Peter a rat and I a black, shaggy dog. Quickly, we pushed past the Whomping Willow's defences and reached the repeatedly destroyed room just as Remus' screams of agony began to echo and the transformation took place.

Though I'd seen him shift from human to werewolf multiple times, it never ceased to terrify me. Looking at the pain in his features as they regressed away from the Remus I adored and into a primal beast would always sadden and horrify me. I only wanted to protect the boy I was growing to love and every month the moon proved to me that I couldn't. At least not completely.

'But I can make sure he doesn't hurt anyone while he's out of control,' I thought as I watched the chilling scene through my black and white vision.

The wolf in front of me whimpered when the change was finally complete, the glint of humanity slowly fading from its red, red eyes.

Had I been human, I probably would have shivered at the obvious absence of Remus in the beast's features. Remus was not a monster, but he was undoubtedly capable of committing monstrous acts when the werewolf within him gained dominance.

I padded up to the huddled figured and pressed my nose against it. Immediately, the wolf lashed out at me, almost scratching my dishevelled muzzle with its sharpened claws. I growled at it and James and I tackled Remus before he could get too agitated. Some moons he simply curled up and moaned in despair or was even calm enough to run outside, but there were others when he became much more dangerous.

And it looked as if tonight were one of those times.

Usually this happened when something was specifically bothering or frustrating the human Remus, causing the beast to react violently when it was finally released from its cage.

As the animal's breathing had begun to slow, James and I climbed off of its furry back. It regarded us for but a moment before the vicious glint in it's eyes returned and it began to rage.

A werewolf's fury is certainly a sight to behold, and we tried our best to contain it. Our top priority was to not get hurt though because we knew the self-loathing that would ensue if Remus were to think that he was causing his only friends any sort of pain. Next, we were to try and stop the werewolf from finding anyone on the grounds and maiming them. Usually this was pretty easy, especially seeing as so few wandered the landscape at night.

The absolute last thing on Remus list of requirements for us was to stop him from abusing himself too badly, and this was one task we failed at tonight. In the morning, Madame Pomfrey lifted his broken body magically and set about healing the many wounds of bone and flesh. The gash I worried most about, however, was that of his soul.

Not even magic could heal that.

"Sirius," James ventured, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Peter and I are going to class. You coming?"

I was holding Remus' hand as he slept, his eyelids fluttering in his nightmarish dreams. The answer was in my gaze but I vocalized it anyways, "no James. I think I'm going to stay the day."

His hand rested briefly on my shoulder before he turned and left.

Then it was just Remus and I.

I'm not sure how long I sat there holding his hand, stroking the scarred skin and gently smoothing his ruffled hair. Madame Pomfrey had long ago accepted my quiet presence in the Hospital Wing once a month while Remus healed. As the harmless sun reached it's peak in the sky she even brought some food for me to eat, which I consumed without tasting, still gazing upon the slumbering boy.

My vigil was interrupted however when he began to stir.

He mumbled something incoherent and turned his head weakly. I dropped from the chair and onto my knees, edging closer to hear what he was saying.

"Will not…" he whispered, "Will not hurt them." The simple sentence sent my heart pounding and my emotions swelling to a near breaking point. I stroked his cheek gently and cupped it as I lent in to deliver a sweet kiss to his forehead.

At my lips touch, Remus' eyes opened and widened to see me hanging over him. "Sirius," he breathed, smiling, "you're here."

"Of course I am, where else would be?" I asked with a relieved grin.

He glanced at the window opposite him and the afternoon sunlight filtering in and said, "Well, I don't know… class maybe."

"Pssh! And miss opportunity to draw obscene things on your face? Never!"

Unconsciously, Remus lifted his hand to touch his face before I grabbed it with my own fingers and held it down. I stroked his face with my other hand and lent in until our noses brushed and our breath mingled in the small space in between our lips. Using all of my concentration, I focussed on putting my sentence into action instead of my many desires.

"You know I would never do that to you Remus. You're my best friend," I told him, my grey eyes searching his beautiful amber ones for understanding. He blushed a light pink at my serious voice and our closeness but smiled.

"I know," he said.

Seeing his full lips curving upwards was too much for me and I leapt away from him and hollered for Madame Pomfrey to come.

Looking back at Remus though, his face was lined with confusion and to ease whatever burden he was thinking through, I took hold of his hand once more. Though the puzzlement did not leave his face, he still gave me a genuine smile and accepted the healer's fussed attention for the next hour without complaint.

I was just enjoying the sensation of his warm hand gripping my own.

I had been fully prepared to draw a cot next to my friend and sleep the night in the Hospital Wing but Madam Pomfrey had finally managed to chase me away. As I left, Remus called after me laughing, "I'll be alright Pads. You can come see me tomorrow if you want."

Even if I hadn't heard the pleading tone to his voice, I would have arrived early the next morning to keep the beautiful boy company. However, when I swept into the sterile white room, Madame Pomfrey explained to me that Remus was actually out by the lake and had asked her to tell me this. She seemed a little miffed about being her patient's messenger owl but I couldn't care less. I was just wondering what Remus was doing outside this early on a Saturday whilst healing. Of course, the only way to gain such answers was to go and find him. So I did.

It didn't take long; he wasn't trying to hide like he had been before the full moon. The early morning glow outlined Remus' figure in gold and brought out the light shimmering within his sandy hair. From my vantage point of his profile, all I could think was how absolutely stunning the boy was and I almost swooned when he turned his amber gaze on me.

I think James was infecting me with his girl-ness.

He patted the rock beside him and I lowered myself down, careful not stare too much at him lest I freak my friend out.

We sat in silence for a moment, me ignoring my earlier wariness and staring full out at him and Remus gazing out at the softly lit lake. Finally I broke the quiet.

"What are you doing here?"

Remus turned towards me and I caught my breath. His face was so utterly perfect, pale and smooth despite the light scars that crossed it. The halo of gold that surrounded his soft hair seemed to embody my thoughts on the angelic creature before me. My eyes rested on his beautiful lips as they moved to shape words.

"I was thinking."

Wondering if this was a dream, I asked hoarsely, "About what?"

The werewolf hesitated, hand reaching up to run their fingers in a nervous gesture through his golden hair. My eyes followed his movements as he spoke, "Sirius, have you ever thought about… boys?"

For a moment I thought my ears had deceived me. Surely he could not have asked such a beautiful question as that. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, trying to centre myself and failing. How should I respond to that? I couldn't declare my love-and it was most certainly love- for him obviously. Perhaps it was best to just play dumb for a moment.

"How do you mean?" I asked him and prayed. He hesitated again and I laid a soft hand on his shoulder. His golden eyes shifted to where our skin touched as though he too could feel the electricity I was experiencing and licked his lips. They were wet and pink and oh so tantalizing…

Finally he spoke again, "I mean, have you ever thought about them like… like you think about girls?"

Remus was holding his breath waiting for my answer and I had to regroup my thoughts because I did not think of boys at all like I think of girls. The male species captivated and thrilled me far more than any female could, though they'd tried.

"It's OK to wonder Remus," I told him, my mouth dry and my lips hungry.

"Have you ever wondered?"

I sat back stunned, unsure about how to answer that. I was still uncertain of Remus' motivations and was tentative to speak truthfully in case I read him wrong and was just being overly hopeful.

The object of my affections took my silence as a denial and his face grew sad. The transformation took all of the warmth out of the morning's sun and I felt a cold hand grip my heart. He nodded to me and stood up, turned and walked away.

"Wait!" I called out to him. I raced to his retreated figure and spun him around. Yet that openness in his face was gone and his voice was cold when he told me, "forget it. It was stupid." Without another word he turned again and walked through the grounds leading up to the castle in a brisk pace set halfway between a walk and a run.

I was left standing in the chill morning air, feeling emptier than I'd ever had before. He'd rejected me because he had thought I was rejecting him when the absolute opposite was true. But how could I broach that kind of subject with him now that he'd turned frozen and closed. I recognized Remus' look and it was one he used to guard his heart and deny emotion. Getting him to open up again was going to be no easy task.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" I alternated muttering and shouting at myself, using my hand to repeatedly hit my forehead. There would be a red mark there, I was sure, yet I couldn't bring myself to care as I relived the detached look Remus had had in his eyes.

"Stupid!" I screamed at the empty grounds and slumped to the ground. Already, I felt my resolve strengthening and a determined set come to my jaw.

I would make him see. No matter what it took, I would bring back that loving look in his eyes again.

What I needed was a plan.

So quite a few ups and downs in this one, and I hope I did some justice to the agony of Remus' transformations. I always thought that it would not just be painful for Remus, but also for Sirius having to watch. God, you just have to feel for these characters right? Tell me what you think and any comments you have about the story so far by pressing that REVIEW button. Hope to hear from you because it really makes me update faster :D

**-MesserMessa**

**P.S. To any who were wondering, I had originally named this story 'A Moonlit Resolution' but it seemed really serious so I changed it to 'Being Gay.' Besides, doesn't leave any room for confusion for those who don't like slash. Can't say you didn't see it coming if you clicked on a story with the word 'gay' in it :P**


	6. Picnic

Picnic

Talking to Lily about my relationship problems had become practically habit for me lately, after all trying to dissect the complicated mind of Remus Lupin was no easy undertaking. Really, I had said more to the fiery redhead (said not shouted) in these few weeks than the entire six years before. So it really wasn't with any surprise that I found myself sitting with her out by the lake in the same spot Remus and I had had our row.

"And you didn't tell him how you feel?" she asked with an air of exasperation after I'd finished my tale. 

I gritted my teeth and shook my head, "I wasn't sure! Besides, it's not like you're telling James any time soon."

"That is completely different," she told me but I was pleased to see that she had to hide a smile about it.

"Sure it is," I said.

Lily blushed and focussed back on our original topic. "Well what did you usually do when a girl was angry with you?" she asked.

"Uh, break up with her?"

"Sirius!"

I laughed, "I'm sorry! I said I was sorry! Besides, Remus is different from any girl or boy that I've ever met. He's special and I don't want to lose him." I finished with a strangled voice, just the thought of never talking to him made my head spin and my vocal cords freeze.

Lily nodded her understanding and we sat in silence for a few minutes. Just as I was beginning to truly despair, she turned towards me with a glint in her eye that I couldn't misplace.

"Lily?" I said, "What are you thinking?"

Her grin widened, if that were possible. "You said you needed something special for him?"

I gesticulated my agreement.

"Well then I have a plan."

The nerves were racing through my shaky limbs and queasy stomach as I hid beneath the covers of my bed, fully clothed. The other Marauders were fast asleep in their beds, their steady breathing emanating softly. Well except for Peter, in which it more closely resembled a lions roaring.

… Maybe _that_ was why he was a Gryffindor.

I checked my pocket watch again and its intricate face told me that it was ten minutes to midnight. The ticking instrument was one of the only Black heirlooms I had cared to keep, for the most part I had just given them away, back or burned them. As far as I was concerned, I was not part of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Blacks. The only reason I kept the name was because I liked the ring it added to my title: Sirius Black.

It was awesome.

I inspected my watch again and decided that I could wait no longer. I flung the red and gold covers off of my body with my usual flourish and jumped out. In my dramatics, I had accidentally hit James' bed and woke him.

"Pads?" he asked sleepily.

I hushed him, "Go back to sleep Prongs. This is a dream."

"Then why isn't Lily here?"

I rolled my eyes. Even in his sleep, James was still a lovesick puppy (or stag) for his emerald beauty. Instead of voicing my bemused opinions, I told him, "She'll be here soon. Just close your eyes."

"Okay," he said and quickly returned to his slumber, a smile on his face.

I sighed in short-lived relief as all of my jitters and fears came crashing down upon me once again. The thought of simply climbing back into bed and forgetting about the whole excursion was extremely tempting but I knew Lily would murder me if I committed such an act.

Instead, I padded over to Remus' bed and opened up the heavy curtains that surrounded it. My breath caught and the world seemed to freeze as I gazed down at the sleeping boy. The stress of countless moons that frequented his face while awake had melted away and left him young and vulnerable and beautiful. I felt that unconscious desire to protect him from harm surge through me again and I had to force myself to ignore it. I had a job to do.

I shook Remus awake with gentle fingers and watched as he slowly opened his eyes, barely suppressing my delight at the cute, rumpled look he bore.

"Sirius," he said with shock, "What are you doing? It's midnight."

"Five minutes till actually," I told him, frowning. Lily had told me to wait till midnight, said it would be more romantic, but I was too impatient to delay. Perhaps I could tell him to go back to sleep for another five minutes…

"Well what is it that you want?" Remus questioned gruffly, his tone suggesting that he was still angry about this morning.

I brightened at his inquiry though, images of my plan flooding my brain once again. "I have surprise for you," I told him.

He gave me a searching look before turning his back to me and saying, "I don't feel like any surprises tonight Padfoot."

I looked at his curled form and sat down on the bed. Gingerly I reached over and touched his arm, stroking it softly. "Please," I said.

He shuddered at my touch and stood up without another word. He pulled on a pair of trousers, a jumper and a light cloak to combat the chilly late September nights. As he dressed, I managed to not stare at his moonlit body and instead concentrated on keeping my face as serious as possible.

In silence, I led him out to grounds now bathed in the light of the moon and stars. I would periodically glance over at his pale face but he continued to stare resolutely ahead, as if determined not to notice me. When we made it to the spot by the Black Lake where we'd had our subtle fight, his jaw tightened and his stance grew wary.

I turned to the boy I loved and said, "I'm sorry about yesterday Remus. I really hate it when we fight and I want to make it up to you."

"I-" my throat closed and I struggled to continue past the overwhelming emotion I was experiencing, "I don't want to lose you. I don't think I could handle that."

His face had softened during my speech and I felt myself leaning forwards, closer to those lips that I'd studied for so many hours. I thought he was leaning in as well but I had already pulled back, determined not to go down such a road of hope so quickly, so soon.

"So, I, uh, made us a picnic," I said, rubbing my neck nervously and summoning the basket I'd had the house elves prepare earlier, with my supervision of course.

Remus laughed as I unfolded the cloth and sat down, "a midnight picnic. It sounds… perfect." He smiled at me and my insides melted. I must have tripped over that basket at least four times trying to unload all of the ingredients and was redder than a tomato. I remember it had been so easy with girls, no pressure, no worries. Yet, here I was with the one person I actually cared about and I couldn't capture that suave Sirius again. All I could manage was the bumbling idiot Sirius.

I just hoped he thought it was endearing.

I sure as hell didn't.

Perhaps he did though because his smile hadn't lessened since we'd sat down and the way he looked at me turned my legs to jelly. The effect Remus had on me could not really be described in words; it was too powerful, too pure to express through coherent thought. He was quite literally intoxicating.

As we spread peanut butter on the slices of bread the house elves had provided, Remus spoke, "So who gave you the idea?"

I blushed at how easily he'd seen through it all. Despite my impressive acting skills, Moony had always been able to tell what was truth and what was fiction. I was an open book around him and had no desire to close it.

Still, I couldn't help the wonder that crept into my voice as I questioned, "how did you know?" before shaking my head and continuing sheepishly, "Lily. She said it would be roman- a good idea."

This was not the time to go sprouting passionate words, not when our friendship was so precarious.

He chuckled and the low sound sent butterflies through my stomach. The moonlight was soft and surreal, painting everything in a dream like brilliance. Our eyes caught, steel meeting gold, before we looked away and I said, "do you like it?"

"I love it."

I ventured a look at him again and saw that his soft smile was genuine. Our sandwiches forgotten, I leant forwards and rested my hand upon his calloused one.

The werewolf gazed down at our overlapping hands for what felt like an eternity; my heart thumping with loud, sporadic beats. Finally, his eyes rose to find mine and I held my breath.

His amber orbs were conflicted but a small, shy smile rested on his lips and I took the latter as an invitation. With careful movements, so as to not scare the timid wolf, I shifted closer and put a hesitant arm around his shoulders.

Remus tensed for a moment before sighing and leaning into my friendly embrace. My heartbeat was still flying but I remained as still as I possibly could, so terrified I was to upset the difficult balance we'd attained.

Facing the shimmering surface of the lake, the two of us watched as the moon sunk beneath the water and the sun made its slow, arduous trek through the sky. We sat together for hours, our warm bodies pressed close with my arm around him and his head resting gently on my shoulder, simply witnessing the budding pink of dawn.

Remus had fallen asleep in my arms and after an hour or two of watching him, I followed suit. For the first time in a long time, my dreams were peaceful.

I woke at near eight o'clock that Sunday- judging by the sun in the sky- and the grounds were still silent and empty. For that I was grateful as I was sure Remus wouldn't appreciate being seen cuddled up to another boy, even a friend like myself.

The thought made me sigh in both contentment and frustration. Waking up beside the werewolf would never lose its charm and I knew that I would miss it desperately tomorrow. Perhaps one day he would realize we were perfect together and that I really did want him but for today, I could only appreciate the moment.

Still the sight of him nuzzling my chest with my arms wrapped around his narrow shoulders made me grin. I felt him stir within my embrace and held my breath to hear his sleepy words.

"Hmm, Sirius," he murmured with a lazy smile, breathing deeply still.

I believe I almost fainted as he moaned my name, tightening his hold on me desperately. Bewildered, I kissed his forehead and shook him awake before I could hear anymore of his private dreams.

"Wake up Remmy," I whispered, my voice soft.

He frowned in his sleep and pouted. The expression was so adorable that I struggled to contain my love for it. "No," he said stubbornly, "I don't wanna."

I laughed and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

Despite the gentleness of the gesture, his eyes widened in surprise and he leapt off of me. With a look of absolute shock and horror, he shook his head vigorously, as if trying to clear it.

"What's wrong?" I questioned, a pout of my own playing.

His eyes lingered on my lips far too long to be simply platonic. Finally, he answered in a strangled voice, "Sirius. Look about yesterday… it was a mistake."

The words took a moment to register. "A mistake…" I repeated.

He nodded, "It's just some stupid phase I'm going through, I'll get over it. You can stop trying to shock me out of it though, I don't want to… disgust you or anything."

"What? You could never-" I began to say but was cut off by his raised hand.

"Please don't. You're a good friend Padfoot," he said 'friend' forcefully, as if coercing himself into believing it, "but I don't think I can handle that… closeness. Not from you. Not without…" he trailed off.

I wanted to scream my feelings, scream my aggravations and frustrations but found myself speechless.

Remus gulped, "It's OK though. I forgive you and thanks." He gave me a weak, sincere smile and continued, "This night should be enough."

His statement about it being enough confused me. Enough for what? Enough of what? Why was it enough? I knew I sure as hell wanted more of whatever enough was for him.

Yet I was never able to voice any of these opinions because he had turned and headed back to the castle. I knew we were now speaking and of that I was glad, even though I had basically run into a brick wall in terms of romance. He was just so impossible to get through to! So set Remus was in thinking that no one could care for him when I was practically exploding with emotions for him. I growled and vanished the basket, making the slow trek back up to the school.

The most magical moment of my life and Remus had once again left me at a loss.

Love certainly was a difficult thing, especially when one loved a self-depreciating werewolf by the name of Remus John Lupin.

I sighed.

**Poor Sirius, he tries so hard. Remus can be just so thick at times. No worries though, I think we'll all find that this fic has a rather happy, rather fluffy ending to it :D I love these two too much to cheat them out of one. Not only that, but I have something rather ****sexy**** planned for the next chapter *evil grin*. So if you want that please REVIEW and tell me what you think so far! Your messages really spur me on and I appreciate all the comments so please take a sec if you want a faster update :P Plus I want to get to 30 reviews for this chapter!**

**-MesserMessa**


	7. Dreams

Dreams

It felt like all the ground I'd made and lost with Remus had come to nothing. If anything, our relationship had become even more platonic than it was at the beginning of the year and to be frank, I was frustrated.

On top of all of this, the school was finally noticing that I haven't taken any conquests yet this year. Rather unusual seeing as I would've normally been on at least my fifth girlfriend by now. There were already whispers of me having found "the girl" over the summer and that I'd finally settled down. I suppose I had to be grateful for the rumour though, at least no one had suggested the idea that I was a homosexual yet because I certainly wasn't ready to come out.

At least, not without Remus.

Actually, the idea of taking on societies prejudices and rebelling once again against my family's crazy ideals held a sort of charm to it. More like an adventure than the ordeal many would perceive it to be. Of course, everything was an adventure with my lovable werewolf.

The thought of him brought my eyes hopelessly back to the soft, sandy hair that stood in front of me. The four of us Marauders had taken the Care of Magical Creatures class as a crazy, dangerous, risking-life-and-limb-for-you kind of favour for our favourite groundskeeper Hagrid.

After a couple of years with the half-giant, most had decided to take the safer route and opt out of his perilous class. As loyal Gryffindors however, we were practically required to attend, which is why the majority of the class was made up of our red clad house or that of Hufflepuffs.

My musings on a possible prank involving transfiguring people into the animal of their house was cut short when Remus called my name. Despite the new brotherly attitude he'd adopted towards me, he still seemed rather shy and I felt bad, knowing that I'd caused it.

Apparently midnight picnics did not fix everything…

"So, I guess we're together then?" he said.

For a moment, I was solely capable of gawking. Was he asking what I thought he was asking? But why now in the middle of class?

"Together?" I choked out.

"Yeah," he answered, looking wary, "for the project."

Dumbstruck, I felt as if I'd visibly deflated from the elation I'd been feeling seconds before. I swallowed the dryness in my mouth. 'Of course he wouldn't just come out and ask you to be his boyfriend in front of twenty some people,' I thought glumly. This is Remus we're talking about here. Our stupidity should worry us.

Now slightly concerned that my thoughts had begun describing my actions as if two people were making them, I asked, "So what's the project?"

He laughed, "Do you ever listen in class?"

"Not when you're around to distract me."

The truth in my tone spoke for me and even produced a light blush from Remus, who hid it quickly. The thought of him suppressing such an instinctual desire tugged at my heart and I sighed, dragging a hand through my shaggy locks.

Remus had apparently regained his composure enough to say, "Well, the project is fairly simple. We're supposed to raise a young Niffler and train it to hunt for gold. If they can pass a test set for before Christmas Break then we pass the project."

I nodded, the idea of parenting with the amber-eyed youth sounded extremely appealing. Perhaps I could prove my gentle, loving nature to him…

"Here ya ar Sirius," Hagrid said, his large hands pushing a lump of fur into my much smaller ones. "Take good car of 'er."

I held the small animal arms length away and crinkled my nose in distaste. It let out a high pitch squeal as I turned it upside down and almost dropped it. Well, at least Remus and I would never have to worry about a child if we ever got together and became… close.

I'm sure I was a dark crimson at the image of Remus and I naked together but he just laughed at my face and antics, the sound sending a blossoming joy throughout my chest. The sweetest music couldn't contest with the werewolf's soft chuckles, great art paled in comparison to the twinkle in his eyes.

Bloody hell, soon enough James and I would be regular attendees at the local poetry readings. That and the men-gone-girly hair and nail salon.

The image of James in curlers made me shudder so I focussed my attention on the much more appetizing Mr. Lupin.

"So, I think that we should spend a couple hours each week training it. That way it'll be really comfortable on testing day and we should feed it-"

"What should we name it?" I asked, cutting his rambling short.

My abrupt question gave him pause. "Name it?"

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help thinking his obliviousness was slightly, kind of, okay completely adorable. "Yes name it! We can't just keep calling it 'it' for the next couple of months!"

Remus shrugged, "uh, Fluffy?"

"Fluffy!" I gasped, "I refuse to doom our child to such a generic, overused name. Oh, how the children would tease him!"

My over dramatics brought a smirk to his full lips. "Our child?" he asked.

"Yes. We are parents after all. How about Snuffles Jr.?"

"Definitely not," he laughed. "So what would that make us? Husband and…"

"Husband," I said, my expression and manner suddenly serious. "You would be a great husband."

Remus' blush was a dark red but his smile brought hope to me again. "So," I began as we walked away from our last class of the day, "What are we doing for Hogsmead?"

The trip was tomorrow and for once; none of the Marauders had dates. Prongs was now seriously chasing Lily and wouldn't even consider picking up another girl, I had realized that I'm gay and in love with my werewolf best friend, Remus rarely took a girl and was hopefully thinking more along the lines of men nowadays and Peter… well, he was Peter.

He shrugged, "I guess we'll go together. I think James is considering asking Lily out though."

"Well that's a bad idea," I commented. "She'll never go for that."

Remus looked thoughtful, "Hmm, you're probably right."

"When aren't I?"

"Ignoring," he said, smiling at me in that way of his that never failed to produce the butterflies. "But maybe if we ask her to go as a group she'll be more inclined. You should suggest it to her, you guys seem pretty chummy of late"

His face was sour and for a moment I couldn't understand why. Unless… Remus was jealous of the time I was spending with Lily! His bitter expression made me grin and on impulse (I'd never been very good at controlling those), I swept him into a hug.

"Wh-what are you doing Sirius?" Remus gasped, sounding flustered.

My arms were resting on his back and my head on his shoulder, hands itching to explore lower to that firm, gorgeous arse of his. If I were to just cup it and-

I jumped away from him, my cock already stiffening as my thoughts wandered. The idea of touching him, of him touching me, running his fingers over my chest and legs and thighs and-

'Damn' I though, biting my lip, 'this is hard!'

In more ways than one.

"Padfoot?" Remus questioned, putting his hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Heh, uh yeah of course! Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well I thought I felt… Er never mind. I probably imagined it."

Was that a wistful tone he had used? Maybe it was all in my head. Sometimes it was so hard to tell with Remus! Why couldn't he ever just come out and say it?

"Look, the reason I hugged you," I began, finally turning around to see him, "is that I want you to know that even though Lily is helping me out with some… problems, you're still my best friend. Always have been."

He smiled at me, making my stomach flip. "I thought James was your best friend."

"He's a lovesick loser when it comes to woman," I said, waving it off albeit fondly.

"And you're not?"

His question was soft, tentative, as if he was both eager and afraid of the answer. His eyes refused to meet mine so I took his chin in my hand and tilted it up, forcing his amber orbs to meet my steel ones. His eyes really were stunning, they contained so much dimension to them I felt as if I could fall in and drown. I focussed on my words again and managed to reply somewhat evenly, "Not with girls."

Remus let out a shaky breath but could not seem to move away, not only that but he appeared to be leaning in closer. His eyes fixated on the movement of my lips and his hand tightened its grip my shoulder.

"What are you, homo?" a Slytherin asked as he passed by, sneer etched on his pallid features.

Anger filled me and without warning I whipped around and pushed the arrogant scumbag to the ground. "I don't know or care who you are asshole," I said, my voice trembling with rage, "but being gay is not something someone should insult or be ashamed of. Homophobia, however, is a disgrace."

His shocked look held a barely concealed fury in its gaze, informing me that I would be paying for my actions later. Right now though, the only thing I could concentrate on was that he had hurt Remus and I had to protect him.

I spat at the ground beside him, slung my arm around Remus and steered him towards the castle. "So Hogsmead then?" I asked.

"Wow," he breathed, "That was amazing Sirius."

Suddenly feeling bashful, I lowered my eyes and shrugged. "He had it coming," I mumbled.

"Well thank you," he told me with all sincerity, his arm snaking around my slim waist and resting on the sensitive flesh of my hip. I nearly jumped at the light touch but soon began to enjoy it. This embrace didn't feel brotherly; it was more intimate, closer.

I sighed with contentment and rested my head on his narrow shoulder. As we entered the famed school however, he squirmed free of my arms and hurried us to the Common Room to find Lily.

I couldn't get everything I suppose.

"Hey Lily!" Remus called out to the studying redhead as we entered the Common Room. "Sirius has something to tell you!"

I climbed into the portrait hole after him and shook my head, a fond smile touching my features. Looking at Lily's grinning face however, made me frown.

"Aw, so he finally asked you?" she questioned Remus excitedly. "He's been talking to me about the whole thing for forever now, I was honestly beginning to think it would never happen but-"

Obviously, the frantic movements I had been making behind the werewolf's back were finally paying off because Lily's rambling ceased. She took in my desperate look and Remus' confused one before understanding crossed her eyes.

"Oh, so he didn't ask you to-"

"Okay! Thank you Lily!" I cut in; ignoring the questioning gaze my crush was sending me. "We were just wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmead with the Marauders."

She blushed, "Ah yeah that sounds great. But really Sirius you should consider…"

"Uh huh, and I appreciate your valuable contribution. We will be accepting donations later this evening. Now, come on Remmy!" I finished, pulling the boy up to our dormitory whilst giving Lily an exasperated look.

She lifted her hands in the air in that universally recognised gesture of 'well how was I supposed to know?" Shaking my head at her and giving one final wink, I disappeared up the stairs.

"I know James will be thrilled!" I called down to her, already feeling the embarrassment radiating off of the Head Girl.

"Sirius!"

I laughed and tuned to Remus, who still bore that confused smile. "What did she mean about asking me something?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Oh, uh," I stammered, mind racing for an excuse. "I was just wondering if you could, you know, uh, help me with… my potions work!"

He raised an eyebrow, taking in my crazed expression. "Padfoot, you know I'm rubbish at Potions."

"Better than me," I replied weakly. After considering this for a moment, he shrugged and agreed, allowing me to finally relax.

"So you ready for dinner?" he asked. "James is going to faint when he hears that Lily is coming with us."

I laughed at the thought and headed down to the Great Hall with him.

I was laying in bed after dinner (and, yes James did almost faint at the news), trying to think over how best to get Remus alone at Hogsmead when he opened my curtains.

"Sirius?" Remus asked his voice low and seductive as he clambered over the covers. His well-muscled body was completely exposed save a pair of tight fitting underwear that left little to the imagination.

"Remus!" I said, shooting up into a sitting position. "Wh-what are you doing!"

I knew that my voice was rising fast and I would soon draw the attention of James and Peter but right now all I could concentrate on was the feeling of his calloused hand as it crept up my bare thigh.

The werewolf crawled towards me, his eyes half lidded with a smouldering gaze and his tongue swiping out to lick his luscious lips. I could feel the beginnings of an erection in my boxers and struggled to hide it.

"Sirius," Remus purred, "I want you."

He straddled me, his cock pressing lightly against mine and I gasped at the contact. "I can't do this… you don't want it. You-" my traitorous mouth whispered hoarsely

"Shh," he shushed me, his head bending lower, "Sometimes it's fun to be bad."

I moaned as his tongue blazed a trail of fire across my naked chest. His hands were running over my body with light, teasing touches that left me filled with lust. Remus' mouth clamped onto my hard nipples, sucking and swirling his tongue over their wet surface before rising to attack my mouth. I groaned at the pressure against my lips and allowed him to enter and explore the cavern of my mouth. Suddenly I felt his hand grip my impressive erection and begin to slowly massage it.

"Remus," I panted, feeling myself shooting deliriously close to the edge. "Remus!"

Unforgiving hands grasped my shoulders and shook me to wakefulness.

"Sirius!" James said, his unwelcome face looming over me with an amused expression, only just holding back his laughter.

"Huh? What's going o- aaah!" I yelped, pulling the sheets around me in a poor attempt to disguise the wetness between my legs.

James broke down into hysterical laughter, "Pads, you were having a wet dream!"

"Was not!" I retorted automatically, though my face was a deep crimson and the evidence was there with me in bed.

Peter chuckled from across the room, "So who were you dreaming about, lover boy?"

Against my will, I felt my eyes stray towards Remus, hoping he hadn't heard me moan his name in my sleep. Unfortunately, his amber eyes were widened in surprise and disbelief and it worried me. There was another emotion behind them as well but I doubted I could identify it in my flustered state. James gasped and cackled from his position on the floor, "ooh! I know who!" but I don't think anyone heard him.

Finally tearing my gaze away from Remus before he noticed, I replied, "Er, no one."

"Sure," Peter snorted before turning over and finding sleep again.

James had regained some semblance of control again and called over to me as he climbed back into bed, "next time, use a silencing charm!"

I sighed, scourgified the mess and entered the covers again still red from embarrassment. I turned my back to Remus but I could still hear the soft smile in his voice when he said, "Sweet dreams Padfoot."

I smiled, feeling more at ease and my mood brightened. "You too Moony," I whispered, wondering if he'd ever had such a dream about me and praying that we could re-enact the contents one day.

Before my thoughts could stray too far down that path again though, I willed myself to a peaceful sleep.

Eventually, I got it.

So it got a little heated there but I think all of my amazing readers and reviewers deserve a little action, even if it was imagined action ;). I really want to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter, you guys went above and beyond :D and are all awesome! If you like the story, this chapter or even just the dream sequence there then please write in and REVIEW! It gets you the next chapter that much faster :D

**-MarauderMessa**


	8. Hogsmead

**Thanks so much for all of the reviews- you guys are awesome and I hope you enjoy my longest chapter yet! I do not own Harry Potter. **

Hogsmead

Today was the Hogsmead trip and I raced through my morning routine in order to meet the other Marauders and Lily in the Common Room. As one of our last excursions to the little village, I could already feel nostalgia stealing over me. Memories of all the fun times we'd had there came to me and brought a smile, I just hoped I could go again…

"Hey Sirius!" James called to me, frantically smoothing his hair as he descended from our dormitories. "How do I look?"

To be honest, he looked quite panicked. His eyes were widened in fear and his clothes were rumpled as if he'd been fidgeting with them. I sighed, "James, just calm down and take that gel out of your hair!"

I flicked out my wand and returned it to its normal messy look. Behind his glasses, his hazel eyes bugged out and he clamped his hands over the unruly locks. "My hair!" He cried out. I say _cried out_ to be kind, it was really more of a squeal.

However, before the Head Boy could run up the stair in distress, Lily entered, her grace betrayed only by the slight nervous shake of her hands.

"Hey guys," the redhead said in a timid voice, her eyes glued to James though she tried to look away.

"Er, Lily," James stammered, hand rubbing his neck. "How are you this morning?"

"Oh, fine. How did you sleep?"

I rolled my eyes at their pointless conversation. It was obvious that they were perfect together so their slow advances seemed almost tedious. I would be glad when they finally made it official and quit all this tiptoeing.

"Funny, isn't it?" Remus said, his mouth so close to my ear that it tickled the skin and sent me on fire.

"Yes," I breathed, stepping away before I became hypnotized by the closeness of his body. With only an inch separating my back to his chest, it made me want to melt into the boy but I was pretty sure that would be ill received. Shaking off such thoughts, I continued, "So are you ready for our Hogsmead trip?"

"Uh, yeah," he replied, fidgeting with the sleeves of his sweater in that anxious gesture of his. I couldn't help but notice how good he looked in his Muggle clothes; their tight fitting fabric clung to his lean physique in an extremely flattering way. It seemed to accentuate his muscles- fantastically, I might add- and all I wanted was to get him out of its restricting hold.

I cleared my throat. "I guess we should get going then," I said, gesturing for the five of us to leave. When we made it to the entranceway, however, Professor McGonnagall stopped us with a stern expression.

"Slips?" She asked, her eyes softening a little as her gaze rested first on Lily and James and then on Remus and I.

I wondered briefly if she knew about our- or at least my- feelings towards the werewolf before dismissing it. I had a plan to put into motion and I needed my game face.

The three other Marauders and Lily handed their forms to her with only a polite hello but I hung back.

"Professor," I said as politely as possible, "My Mum kicked me out of the house and wasn't really in a signing mood but I was hoping that-"

She gave me a sad look and my explanations tapered off. "I'm sorry Mr. Black but I can't authorize that," her voice sympathetic, "You cannot go."

I tried again, forcing myself to adopt a more casual attitude. "It's really not a big deal Minnie, if you could just sign for me then I could head on out."

She shook her head, sad but firm and I knew it was useless. I hadn't even gotten a reaction out of my favourite pet name for the teacher.

I nodded and noticed the rest of my group staring at me from a few feet away. I gave them a small shrug and tried for a nonchalant grin, though I don't think I quite managed it.

"Pads, why didn't you tell us?" James questioned in a low voice, frowning.

I avoided Remus' intense gaze and focussed on Prongs question. "I don't know, doesn't matter now though. Just go, have fun and I'll see you when you get back," I turned away from them with slumped shoulders and started to trudge back up the steps when I felt a firm hand rest on my arm.

Looking back, I saw Remus standing just a step below me with soft eyes and a loving smile on the lips I adored. "If you want," he said, climbing another step so we were eyelevel, "I'll stay."

We were nose to nose and I was barely breathing, so hypnotized was I in the swirling depths of his amber eyes. I could die happy looking at them, I was sure.

I glanced over at James, Lily and Peter, the former two grinning and practically running out of the castle before I could force Remus to join them again.

Smiling at their antics, I faced Remus again and told him, "I would love that."

We smiled at each other for a moment, ignoring the smug look McGonnagall was casting in our direction.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, an idea coming to me and I whispered to the brunette, "I think we should go to Hogsmead."

Remus gave me a confused, suspicious look, "but I thought you just said you didn't have a slip?"

"You don't need a slip if they can't see you."

His eyes widened with sudden understanding and I beamed at his surprised look. "Come on!" I laughed, grabbing his arm and dragging him up the seven flights of stairs to the Gryffindor Common Room. It only took a few moments for the two of us to rummage through James parchments of Lily poetry and find the garment we were looking for.

"Er, this might be a bit of tight fit," I said as I pulled out the small cloth, giving Remus an apologetic look though he didn't seem at all uncomfortable. More eager really…

"I don't mind," he said smiling and stepping closer to me.

My breathing hitched as his body brushed against mine so I concentrated on swinging the Invisibility cloak over us. We were rather squished trying to make sure our feet didn't show but neither of us really cared. After all, the two of us had been sharing the same room for almost seven years now.

It was funny, this school really loved their sevens. Seven years, seven floors… Hmm, I wonder if anyone else has noticed that…

Using memory rather than the enchanted map we made in 3rd year, the two of us travelled to one of the Marauders favourite passageways, hidden behind the hunched statue of a witch. With a few words, the stone shifted away to reveal a large gaping hole that Remus and I descended into without hesitation. Within the dank tunnel, I flipped the cloak off of us yet by some sort of tacit agreement, we both stayed huddled together with our hands brushing across each other practically every swing of the arm.

As the tunnel was long and my patience short, I finally just grabbed at his slim fingers and held them firmly in my own. Remus' eyes widened and he threw a panicked look at our entwined fingers but I refused to let go. Eventually, he settled down again and seemed to except our "friendly" handholding, as I was sure he was telling himself that.

Personally, all I could think was, _"Oh shit, I'm holding hands with Remus! I'm holding hands with __**Remus **__freaking __**John Lupin!**__"_

Maybe it was just the school girl crush that I was feeling but I couldn't help thinking in between my shocked mantra about how perfectly his hand fit mine. I felt… complete.

When we made it to the Honeydukes entrance, however, I was forced to disengage our fingers in order to lift the frequently used trapdoor. I was pretty sure that Remus went to the magical chocolate store at least once a week without his fellow Marauders to restock his ever-dwindling sweets supply. I swear some girls would kill for the kind of metabolism my slim friend possessed.

With caution so as not to trip one another, we ascended the creaky steps and stole out into the open store. Already there was a full house of students milling around, gasping in awe and delight at the many wonders of wizarding candy.

Remus and I snickered as we caught sight of Frank Longbottom losing his grip on a handful of dancing sugar flowers that he had attempted to give to his girlfriend as a bouquet. She laughed and knelt down to where he was crouched on the floor, trying to grab at the jitterbugging candy, to administer a sweet kiss on his cheek. The act brought a goofy grin on Frank's face, an expression that I was beginning to notice on everyone as they found love. I was just hoping that Remus would find me soon.

Speaking of the devil, he was currently dragging me around Honeydukes with a child like look of absolute happiness playing on his scarred features. I chuckled at his wide eyes and wider grin, feeling for some money in my pocket. Luckily, I had a couple Galleons and Sickles on me to buy something for the boy I fancied.

He tried to protest, as I knew the brunette would, but my stubborn generosity was not leaving any faster than my feelings for him, and I eventually wore him down with my insistency.

After he had picked his favourite sweets and I paid (this was done by waiting for the cash register to open and quickly dropping in the coins as we were both still invisible) we left the crowded store.

The streets were equally busy, teeming with students and teachers alike. However, a flash of red told me where our group was and I pulled Remus by the arm, which had been reaching for some just bought chocolate, through the swarm of people.

I tapped on Lily's shoulder and nearly doubled over in laughter at her surprise when she turned around and saw no one.

"Lily?" James questioned, placing a hand on her arm. "What's wrong?"

She blushed at the touch and was about to answer him when I made the grand unveiling. "Hey kids," I said with a smirk, "Miss us?"

Lily gasped and James grinned, not in the least caring that we'd borrowed his most precious possession. Trust was like that I guess.

"Bloody brilliant!" James exclaimed, "I should've thought of that!"

"An Invisibility Cloak! Aren't those really rare?" she asked, her astonishment evident.

James looked embarrassed as he realized he'd have to confess to her. "Er well, yeah, it's been passed through my family for generations. My Dad gave it to me in First Year."

She cast Prongs an incredulous look and I decided to speak up and draw her gaze elsewhere. "It's also incredibly useful," I told the redhead with a grin and a waggle of the eyebrows.

The Head Girl looked like she was waging an internal battle, debating on turning us in or giving in to the smile that was tugging at her lips. Eventually she laughed and nodded, making James beam with adoration.

He fist pumped the air, "Yes Lily!" I saw her blush and sent a raised eyebrow her way but she simply returned it with a mischievous smile and a shrug of her slim shoulders.

Sometimes people surprised you.

I caught a glimpse of Remus and saw his simple, genuine smile.

I had a feeling the boy of my dreams had quite a few surprises to him as well, and I was more than ready to spend my life discovering them.

* * *

The five of us wandered over to the Three Broomsticks, Remus and I both trying to blend in as much as possible now that we were visible. The Marauders though were an efficient group and immediately went to shield their fugitive friends from the prying eyes of some of the passing teachers. With a little luck, we made into a removed booth, Peter taking up the head with a stolen chair, unnoticed.

"Five butterbeers please," James requested when Rosmerta drew near, her face alive in the bars busy merriment. "On me guys," our fellow Gryffindor added as the rest of us began shuffling through our money.

"Course dearies," the curvaceous blond replied, already turning away from Peter's bumbling pass at her. Beside me I felt Remus shake slightly from laughter at his friends unheeded attempt and I nudged him, putting on my best stern expression. The werewolf took one look at my stiff frown and erupted in mirth, his guffaws drawing attention from all over the room.

I was sure the goofy grin I had on was completely obvious but I couldn't have taken it off even if I had wanted to. Making Remus laugh was one of my favourite things to do and I spent far more time than normal devising ways to do so.

Our exchange went unnoticed though when Lily turned her emerald gaze onto the pair of hazel ones beside her. I already felt sorry for the bloke.

"You shall do no such thing," Lily declared, her eyes flashing in that dangerous fashion of hers.

James, obviously deciding that playing dumb was quite possibly the only way to survive his noble act, did just that. "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about," he said whilst trying to look anywhere besides his supposed 'goddess of fire.' I'm pretty sure if Lily read that line of poetry, she would have slapped him… that or blush as it was becoming increasingly more frequent.

At the moment though, the redness of her face had nothing to do with embarrassment.

"I'm not going to let you pay for me," she began haughtily, "this is the modern day, not the 1800's for God's sake! A woman is perfectly capable of paying for her own meals!"

James interjected quickly, "I never said you weren't! All I'm asking is to do a favour for my friends."

"Oh, so I now I owe you?"

"Yes! Wait no!"

I began to settle into the dispute, my eyes flitting between the two opponents; one a biting wit and the other a stuttering dork. A fast glance at Remus confirmed that he was taking an equal amount of pleasure in our mate's distress.

Just as the argument was getting interesting, Rosmerta appeared again with our drinks in hand- or in the air, as it was the case for three cups. Ah, the beauty of magic! – and proposed a solution.

"Well, if you want to contribute sweety," she said to Lily, "you could always donate to The Hunger Project. It was actually set up by muggles but they're working to save the lives of all humans from poverty and disease. It's a really good cause but most wizards just don't seem to care."

I could see that she was trying to restrain the impressive depth of her passion for the cause and it made me respect the hardy barmaid that much more.

Lily nodded her head, seemingly satisfied. "Well then, here's a galleon. I hope it helps some people."

Rosmerta's eyes glimmered at her success and thanked the student profusely for her generous donation. I myself felt like giving and added in a couple of sickles. Just like that, our entire table and a couple of the nearby ones who'd heard about the foundation were all searching their pockets for a way to contribute.

Tears were gathering in the blonds blue eyes and I felt a swell of happiness for her, as she so deserved the empowerment this would give her. Thanking each person in turn, she gathered the large armful of galleons, sickles and knuts to put in a near empty donation jar at the front of the bar.

I took a swing of my similarly near empty jug and raised it, "Well as long as Lily doesn't object, I'd like to buy you all another round."

"Hey!" the redhead protested, albeit playfully, and swatted my arm without force. Her eyes twinkled with a brightness that can only be achieved through doing some good and giving.

The five of us laughed and just as I was about to wave Rosmerta over again I caught sight of a severe bun and the flash of mossy robes. I drained my cup and dropped a couple of coins onto the table, grabbing Remus' arm in the process. He objected as I caused him to spill a bit of butterbeer but obliged quite willingly when he saw his head of house enter the bar.

"Well go ahead and treat yourselves kids but Remmy and I have places to go, people to avoid. See you back in the Common Room!" I said in a rush as I dragged the werewolf out of a small side door and out of McGonnagalls view.

Almost immediately after leaving we almost ran headlong into a couple of other professors. Our luck held though as their backs were facing us and we were able to make a quiet escape before breaking out into a sprint down one of the alleys.

I was holding Remus' hand again as we ran, laughing like hyenas the entire way. A game of 'avoid everyone' suddenly developed and we were sneaking around corners, trying to stay out of sight of student and teacher alike. Finally, our chest heaving, we stopped in a deserted, dead end corridor.

As we tried to get our breaths back through our panting and chuckling, I was suddenly conscious of how close the two of us were. Our hands were on the other's shoulders as a sort of support and our faces were only centimetres apart.

I raised my steely eyes to capture Remus' soft amber ones and all of the sudden our laughter died away. His face seemed to relax into one of studying wonder, gaze wandering over my face until they eventually rested on my lips.

The movement of his tongue darting out to lick his pink lips moist again drew my own eyes and made everything far too tempting for my fast deteriorating will.

Sometimes, resisting Remus was just too hard.

I leant forwards, my hand reaching up to cup his smooth cheek and lightly pressed my lips against his. The werewolf responded and shifted the kiss slightly to contour it better, his fingers reaching up towards my hair.

I couldn't suppress the groan that escaped my lips as his nimble fingers ran themselves through my hair. The feeling of kissing him and touching him and him touching me was so utterly indescribably that not a million years of life could find me the words.

My noise seemed to alert the boy I was kissing though and he sprung away in surprise and guilt.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry Sirius!" He rasped in horror. "I don't know what came over me I just- just- ju-"

I closed the gap between us again and put a finger to his lips, though I was not so bold as to snog him quiet and senseless as I would have preferred.

Staring into his wide eyes, I gave him a small, embarrassed smile, "I started it remember. I'm sorry if you didn't like it or-"

"It's not that! I loved it," Remus interrupted me, a blush flaring up as he realized what he said.

Personally, I felt more like glowing sunshine than burning red at his comment.

"Then what is it?" I asked, finding a hidden reservoir of patience that I hadn't been aware I was in the possession of. _'Although,' _I reasoned, _'it may only be with Remus.'_

Speaking of which, the brunette had just slumped down against the wall of the alleyway.

"I don't know what to think Sirius," he said, his voice so broken and despairing that I had to physically force my arm from putting itself around his frail shoulders. "I used to think I was straight but then in 5th or 6th year I couldn't stop thinking about boys and kissing them and touching them…"

He was blushing again and hurried on, "The point is, I shouldn't be gay. I'll be an outcast from everyone and everywhere. Even muggles will turn their back on me and they don't even know about the lycanthrope. I'll be all alone."

"No you won't," I said fiercely and I think the conviction in my voice startled the teenager a little. "Remus," I said, turning to face his wide amber eyes, "I would never leave you, none of the Marauders would or Lily. We would always be best friends."

He nodded slowly though I could tell he wasn't completely convinced. "And," he began hesitantly, "what about the kiss? I don't think I can do that sort of step yet. I can't lose you."

His strangled voice made my heart break just a little but I forced my expression into one of stoic determination. "The offer still stands," I told him, "Always will."

I thought about telling him the true depth of my feelings and dismissed the possibility quickly. It would be better to just allow him to ease into the idea.

Remus nodded his head with a little more strength, wiping away a few tears that had escaped down his cheeks in his moment of vulnerability. As he motioned to rise, I sprung to my feet and helped the brunette to his. "Thanks Sirius," he said, flashing me a timid smile filled with gratitude.

I raised my hand in acknowledgment but made no move to leave the little den of brick. He seemed to understand though as the werewolf exited the alley without another word, leaving me alone with my thoughts and an invisibility cloak.

I sunk down against the wall again and put my head between my knees, replaying our conversation in my mind and trying to remember the feeling of his lips on mine. Lost in my own world as I was, it took several shifty footsteps before I finally heard the sound and trained my gaze on its source.

At first I had thought that maybe Remus had come back but the green clad figures approaching me seemed to discount that possibility.

I scrambled to my feet, back against the wall as I gripped my wand. Already I was surrounded by the six or seven shadowed figures.

I recognized most of them from my year but my attention was almost solely fixed on the person directly in front of me, the ringleader obviously. And I knew him too.

The pale, pinched face hovered in my minds eye as I recalled my insult to him when I pushed him the ground after he insulted Remus.

"So you really are a faggot then," the blonde sneered, his lip curling in distaste.

I felt an equal amount of repulsion for him and his friends but held it in bay enough to adopt a somewhat casual pose without becoming too vulnerable.

"Yeah, and I guess you really are cowardly slug without brains or balls," I said with a challenging smile as I twirled my wand, enjoying his look of rage as it descended.

"Oh you're going to pay for that," he said, "You and your little boyfriend Remus Lupin."

My heart pounded despite my impassive face, I actually managed to pull off a laugh. "Remus? Nah, that bloke's as straight as an arrow unfortunately. I struck out with that one."

I waited with a baited breath to see if they bought my story and was relieved to see that he had. "Whatever," he said instead, though he still hadn't made any motion to attack yet.

"Kardy, are we going to do this or not?" one of the henchmen asked with a touch of fear at the darkening sky. "Everyone's heading back to the castle."

The leader Kardy's face split into a twisted grin and he raised his wand, his icy eyes glinted with malevolent intensity.

"Yes," he said, our eyes locking, "let's begin."

* * *

**Well first I must say how sorry I am for my two-week hiatus- I was having a bit of writers block that I have finally battled and killed! A lot seems to have happened in this chapter so I'd love to hear your thoughts on the kiss, the ambush and just the general direction the story's taking. I absolutely love hearing from all of you wonderful, wonderful people so please take a few seconds and write me a line. A word or a paragraph, I'm not picky :D I don't want to be greedy and beg for the fifty review mark but it would certainly make me update faster ^.^ And if you have time, look up The Hungry Project- it's definitely worth it. REVIEW!**

**-MesserMessa**

**P.S. I apologize for the gay slur but I felt it was necessary for the dialogue and it was something that a prejudiced individual like Kardy- who is my own creation- would say.**


	9. Recovery

Recovery

I was bathed in blackness for a long time, though time seemed to be different in the surreal dimension of pain that I inhabited. The only constant in the shifting shadows was that of Remus' face, swimming in and out of focus but always present. I saw his amber eyes laughing and distraught, his mouth set in a firm line of determination and that lopsided smile he gave when he was embarrassed. All of his emotions seemed to appear before me in a dizzying and unpredictable order. I drank them all in though as it seemed to lessen the torture I was feeling all along my body. My unconscious state must have been disrupted however as I was pulled to reality and was suddenly awash with the colour and sound of the Hospital Wing.

Blinking in the stark whiteness of the room around me, I caught sight of Madame Pomfrey's relieved face.

"Oh thank goodness!" she exclaimed, already leaving my bedside to hurry around the room. "I was beginning to think that I would never find the counter curse."

This did little to alleviate my anxieties as I discovered that I could not move my limbs or even form words. Instead, I was reduced to following the matron's methodical movements with nothing but the wide, frantic flickering of my eyes.

Her wand was alight with movement, flicking over myself and around the room as she retrieved potions and began deploying her healing magic over my damaged body. Soon enough, the pain began to lessen and strength flooded into my weakened limbs. With a Herculean effort, I managed to form the word, "Remus," in my hoarse voice.

The medicinal witch seemed surprised at my communication and more than a little uneasy. "He has not come to my care," she said, "as far as I know he's at dinner."

My neck was still too sore to move so I wetted my lips and spoke again, "what…"

She cut me off with her brisk words, "a first year found you, I believe she was in Ravenclaw. She levitated you out of the alley but her magic is still weak and unpractised so I think she might of dropped you a few times. Not to worry though, I'm sure you'll find the bruises preferable to being frozen to death, as you would have been had you stayed the night there.

"She got some help from another Ravenclaw, I understand it was her brother. He and his friends were able to get you to me without inflicting too much damage."

The matron began to administer some salve across an open wound on my arm that refused to stop bleeding through her basic healing spells. She continued, "Your assailants were proficient with dark magic, most likely older Slytherins who were to say the least, not fond of you. I assume you know who did this."

The strange thing was that I didn't. I remember the entire encounter, Remus' kiss and confession, staying behind in the alley, being ambushed, even the conversation I had with my attackers. The only part that was missing was their faces; that was just a dark smudge in my minds eye.

"Ma'am," I said, my voice stronger than before, "I think they must have tampered with my memory, because I don't remember a thing."

She looked at me sharply, her eyes unfocussed as she nodded, "That is advanced magic and not taught in detail here at Hogwarts. I'll report it to the Headmaster. Now be quiet and stop squirming."

I stilled and allowed the soothing magic to wash over me, my thoughts already circling around the amber eyes and tawny hair that I'd grown to love so much.

* * *

**Remus' PoV**

I was getting worried, my eyes trained at the Great Halls massive doors, hoping that his elegant black hair and gleaming eyes would sweep back into my line of sight. Why I let them out of it in the first place was beyond me.

For a moment, nostalgia stole over me and I returned to the Hogsmead trip only a few hours ago. It still felt like some sort of distant dream and I hardly wanted to trust my greatest fantasy come to life until I saw the man who starred in it first.

Sirius.

The problem was he was taking an awfully long time to appear and worry was clawing at my stomach with a ferocity unknown to me. My thoughts were spinning and drenched with anxiety.

_'What if he changed his mind?'_

_'Maybe my kiss wasn't up to his standards.'_

_'Perhaps it was all just some supposedly hilarious joke he and James cooked up.'_

_'Or maybe,'_ a vicious inner voice sounded,_ 'he finally realized how unworthy and pathetic you really are. Took him long enough as it is.'_

I clamped down on this thought and forced it out of my brain, attempting to breathe evenly again. Lily, who was seated beside me, put a gentle hand on my arm. My panic must have been obvious because her eyes were full of concern when she said, "Hey, you OK there Remus?"

I nodded, feeling my strength ebbing. "Sorry," I said without much emotion, "I just need some air." Getting up from the table laden with a delicious array of dinner, I ignored the strange looks I received from my friends and left them. I loved each of them with all of my heart but all I could think of at the moment was one name.

Sirius.

* * *

It was as I was travelling the near deserted corridors that I ran into my favourite ghost Nearly Headless Nick. Or rather, ran through I should say.

After recovering from the intense cold that accompanied occupying the same space as one of the dead, I turned to him, "Hey Nick! How's the afterlife treating you?"

I shunted my worries and tried to adopt a more cheerful demeanour for my spiritual friend.

"Oh fine, fine," he said with a grin. The Gryffindor ghost had always been fond of me; possibly because we both shared a rather supernatural bond what with my lycanthrope and his still pulse. Dumbledore had employed all of the ghosts to patrol the school whenever the full moon rolled around and report any roaming students to Filch. I'd always been grateful for the preventative measure if only a little guilty for asking for the ghosts times. Nick, however, always assured me that it was actually the highlight of their month, having to be on the watch for unruly students and they always looked forwards to it. Either way, it was a relief to know that there was yet another barrier between the students of Hogwarts and the beast within me.

He continued, "And how's Sirius? Feeling better I hope?"

I felt my stomach drop at his words and I was able to choke out, "What do you mean 'feeling better?' Is he sick?"

"Well I thought you knew," he said, trying to keep his pleasure about knowing something first out of his voice due to its more grave circumstances. "He's been admitted to the Hospital Wing, the Grey Lady told me. Apparently he received quite a beating."

My eyes widened and I turned away from the spirit without another word, already sprinting my way up the many flights of stairs that led to the Wing.

Distantly, I heard Nick shout after me but I couldn't discern any of his words, as there was only one circling in my mine.

Sirius.

* * *

Finally, I made it to the right corridor and barrelled into the healing centre, my hair dishevelled and my breathing ragged. Madame Pomfrey spotted me from across the room but didn't seem at all surprised my sudden appearance. I could only guess that she had been expecting me to visit the Marauder.

The matron returned to her task of mixing potions together. "He's in the fifth bed to the left," she called to me, her head bent but her small smile still evident.

I couldn't bring myself to care what that smile could've meant because I was already taking large strides to the bed. Standing in front of them, I took a deep breath and ripped them open with a pounding heart.

Sirius lay in the bed half sitting, gazing off into the distant until he noticed my crude entrance and yelped. He gathered his sheets over his already covered chest- though I was starting to wish it was bare- and gave me an accusing glare.

"Geeze Remus, learn how to knock! I could've been naked you know!" he cried with an overdramatic air of exasperation.

The thought of him naked sent my face aflame more so than the Gryffindor's admonishment and I rubbed my neck in embarrassment.

"Uh, sorry," I said, though I wasn't at all as I was just so thankful that he was OK. I hadn't even realized how worried I had been until I felt all the weight in my stomach lift in relief at the sight of him. "I can go if you want…"

His aristocratic features immediately softened and I saw that warm glow enter his steely eyes again. "No, don't go. I was just surprised is all. Come sit," Sirius motioned to the chair beside his bed and attempted to straighten up.

I pushed him back down before lowering myself into the seat, all the while studying his condition and level of damage. For a moment, we just sat there staring at one another, neither sure what to say.

Finally I spoke. "So how are you feeling?" I asked, suspicion and concern already tinting my voice.

"Fine," Sirius sighed, hands running through silky hair. Without thought, I reached my hand out to touch the black tresses but was able to retract the reaching fingers before he noticed them. "Just a little beat up is all. The Madame says I'll be as good as new in a couple of day. Well except for Sirius Jr. …"

"What!"

Sirius laughed and shook his head, grey eyes gleaming at the panic he'd caused. "I'm just kidding Remmy," he chuckled, eyeing me, "although you did seem rather distressed for my man parts. Would you've missed them terribly?"

I'm sure my face was redder than any Gryffindor scarf at that point and I could only mumble incoherently. Just the mention of that 'area' of Sirius sent me into a mental stupor.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, "So wait. You call your 'man part' Sirius Jr.?"

"It's a perfectly acceptable name for him," he defended against my mirth, finally giving into a grin. "But I promise there's nothing 'Jr.' about him…"

"Sirius!"

He laughed at my shock and returning blush. I searched my mind for topics that could lead away from his package and found the one that had been plaguing me since hearing about his hospitalisation.

"What happened Sirius?" I asked and watched as he closed his eyes at the memory. Even though I was seeing him perfectly safe and sound, I could feel the worry worming its way through me as he began his story.

"After you left, I was ambushed by some people. I guess I must've insulted them or something because they wanted revenge. They called me a faggot but I was able to convince them that you were straight so no worries there. There was about six or seven of them and I got in quite a few hexes but they overwhelmed me. I blacked out soon after that," he finished, grey eyes attempting to gauge my reaction.

I frowned, "You speak like you don't know who 'they' are."

"I don't really," he said, shifting uncomfortably under my sharp gaze. "They must have performed some sort of memory charm on me because I can't remember their faces."

"Well who has it in for you?"

"Er, everyone?"

I sighed because it really was true. You couldn't be a Marauder and not have some enemies. A question suddenly occurred to me and I felt my stomach twist. "Er Sirius," I coughed, "Do you remember what happened before that?"

My heart pounded in anticipation as I awaited his answer. I wasn't really sure what I wanted until I felt happiness flood me when he trained his grey eyes on me and said, "the offer still stands."

I allowed the tension to flow out of my shoulders, surprised at the stiffness of my position.

I smiled at him and reached out to grasp his hands, "I don't know if I can take you up on it yet but thank you for everything. If you want I can stay for a while though."

The love his gaze held took my breath away and I was having trouble keeping my own feelings bottled away like usual. All I could see were his noble features, elegant hair and perfect, porcelain skin. I felt myself falling into the steel depths of his eyes again and was only just able to understand his next words.

"I'd love that."

I had sat up with Sirius for hours before Madame Pomfrey finally made me leave his side. The next day though, I skipped my last classes to visit him.

Not like I could concentrate on anything else anyways.

"Hey Sirius," I greeted. "How are you doing?"

I looked away from the amusment that was playing on his face. "Uh Remus," he said, his words measured, "Shouldn't you be somewhere right now?"

Feeling a blush settle on my cheeks, "I have no idea what you mean." He laughed and I couldn't help but smile at the sound.

"Goody Two Shoes Remus skipping school for me," he cried, pretending to wipe away tears. "I'm so proud."

"Shut up or my two shoes will leave your sorry ass," I muttered half-heartedly. He chuckled again but motioned for me to stay.

I brought my shabby Wizard Chess set and we spent some time playing it although we mostly just talked and laughed. I, of course, beat the horrible strategist that was Sirius Black despite his many protests that his 'mind was weakened from his horrible, traumatic ordeal.'

I maintained that his mind was weak to begin with but he just talked over me.

The Marauders and Lily had all came and left after hearing Sirius' story and doing some cheering up duty. They all left after an hour or so for dinner, leaving me once again alone with Sirius.

After they closed the Hospital Wings door and silence returned to the near empty room again, Sirius gave me a serious look.

"Remus, after being on the brink of death-" he began before I cut in.

"Oh please Sirius," I said rolling my eyes. "You were hardly on the brink of death, more like brink of a bad cold."

He glared at me and I gave him a cheeky smile in return. His stern gaze didn't lessen but I could see the humour in his eyes as he continued, "_Anyways, _I've been doing a lot of thinking lately..."

I held my breath, unsure of where this was going. Was he talking about us? Was it good? Bad?

Sirius was right. I really did over think things too much.

"And I think I've found the solution to all of the world's problems," he finished, triumph in his voice.

'_Well that was unexpected,' _I thought, raising an eyebrow at the grinning boy before me. "Really," I said, trying and probably failing to keep the sarcasm and amusement out of my voice. "And what is your solution exactly?"

His eyes lit up at my question and I had to squash the intruding thoughts of how cute he was as they came barrelling in. Instead I tried to focus on what the almost child like Marauder was saying.

"Remus, what are the leading problems for humanity today?" he asked me but continued on quickly as I opened my mouth to answer him, "Poverty, hunger and pollution."

I nodded my consent, still wondering where he was going with all of this.

"And what is the only thing that can solve all of these things at once?" he questioned, practically hopping up and down on his bed.

"Uh, magic?"

Sirius laughed and I felt butterflies flare up in my stomach at the sound. How he managed to do that still I have no idea.

"No Remmy my dear boy. I have one word for you… Mutant goat-people."

I opened and closed my mouth several times, trying to digest his strange, strange words. His face was glowing at my confusion as I attempted in vain to puzzle out his meaning… and the fact that 'mutant goats-people' was in fact two words. Or maybe even three.

"I don't understand," I said finally, my brow creased in a frown of concentration. "How are mutant goat-people supposed to solve all of the worlds problems exactly?"

Sirius grin widened if that was even possible and began his irrational explanation.

"Think about it!" he exclaimed, gesturing wildly in his excitement. "You take all the poor, hungry, homeless people in the world and turn them into mutant goat-people and get them to eat all of humanities garbage. That way, they're never hungry and the Earth is clean. It's a win-win!"

"You can't just enslave half the population to eat garbage," I argued, already enjoying the bizarre banter.

"But goats love garbage!" he returned. I wasn't sure what goats actually ate so I ignored that point and moved on to another flaw.

"What about You-Know-Who?" I shot back, "He's a big problem."

Sirius thought about my claim for a moment before an epiphany crashed down on him and he gasped, "We could raise a mutant goat-people army against him! He wouldn't even know what hit him!"

Our debate on the goat-garbage-dark lord issue continued for almost an hour, quibbling over the finer points of a goat battle strategy and a Utopian society for our mutant farm friends. I really couldn't wrap my mind around what we were discussing but the light that came into Sirius' eyes as we joked around was more than enough to keep my end of the conversation going.

When the conversation began to wind down, I stood up from my seat and prepared to leave. I knew that I would have some explaining to do for missing class but I was hoping that I could some how avoid a detention on the matter. Then again, my last two classes were History of Magic so I doubted that Professor Binns even noticed my absence.

As I turned away though, I felt Sirius' warm hand grip one of mine and I paused.

"Remus," he breathed and I had to suppress the shiver that begged to race down my spine.

My head was still facing away from him as he drew small circles on my hand. I knew that if I were to look at him now, I would never be able to leave.

"I just wanted to say thank you," he told me, his voice low. "This has been the best week of my life."

At this comment, I was unable to stop myself and I turned around to face him. "You got hospitalised this week Sirius," I said, confused and disbelieving, "What's so great about that?"

He barked with laughter, the sound echoing around the quiet room. "Are you kidding me!" he said, "I've had an amazing Hogsmead date, hexed some Slytherins, missed school and spent two days alone with you. How can you get better than that?"

I blushed a deep crimson but couldn't help the pleased feeling that was spreading throughout my body. He had the best week of his life and it was all because of me.

It was all completely unintentional but because of me none the less.

"Well your welcome then," I said, smiling softly at his content expression. Without thought, I bent down and administered a sweet kiss to his cheek, watching as he touched it in shock afterwards.

I smirked slightly at his reaction, still ignoring the flips my stomach was doing. "Good night Sirius," I told him and left the Hospital Wing.

Right before I closed the large doors though, I heard Sirius let out a quiet whoop of joy and I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face.

It was already past curfew and I knew that if I was caught I would most definitely get a detention. The thought really didn't deter me though as I set out for the Gryffindor tower, a merry tune being whistled through my lips.

Filch be damned.

* * *

**You guys are all completely and incredibly amazing, the support I'm getting for this story is just overwhelming to me! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and please continue to do so. I added some of Remus' PoV after a little nudge from moonyorbfoot9, I hope I delivered! :P And if anyone has some suggestions for the direction this story should take I would greatly appreciate it as after the next chapter I'm kind of stuck :S :P So please REVIEW and tell me what you think and any ideas you may have. Also, tell me your opinion about maybe doing more in Remus' POV or going back to Sirius', I'll let you guys decide that ;) Thanks again and REVIEW!**

**-MesserMessa**


	10. Out

Out

After another day of resting, I was finally released back into the world of Hogwarts and the first place I headed to was the Great Hall.

I had arrived a little late and supper was already in full swing by the time I neared the bustling room, sounds of talk and laughter drifting pleasantly in the still air outside the Hall.

My stomach was growling as I reached the large doors only to be pulled back by a slim, strong arm and placed face-to-face with Lily Evans.

Despite my hospitalisation, Lily had been giving me the stink eye for skipping out on giving her all the details about my date. I really should have known that the stubborn redhead would have been plotting to corner me and force the information out the first chance she got.

"Back where we started Evans?" I said as I inspected the same alcove where I'd first shoved my problems onto her. Of course, now she was the one forcing me to spill. "You know," I continued, "We should really make this our secret headquarters. Ooh! Or even better, our fort!"

She opened and closed her mouth before replying incredulously, "Why in the world would we need a fort?"

"So you can come snog me in secret when you finally tire of Jamesyboy."

"Sirius!" Lily cried, laughing, "besides you're gay."

The word brought on a wave of paranoia and I checked the surrounding area for eavesdroppers. "Shh! Not so loud, someone could hear you," I told her with a near edge of panic filtering into my voice.

Lily cast her eyes downward and shifted uncomfortably, looking anywhere but my face. The panic I'd been experiencing seemed to tenfold and I felt my stomach tighten painfully.

"What is it?" I questioned quietly.

"They, uh, already know," she said in a tight voice, eyes finally finding mine to search out a reaction.

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index, trying to imagine the affects this would have. "How?" I asked although I was fairly sure I already knew.

"Must've been the Slytherins that attacked you," Lily said, still trying to gauge my response. "They started spreading a bunch of rumours about how you were gay and everyone sort of believed it. I mean you haven't even dated yet this year! That's saying something for you."

"I'd be the first to admit it," I joked, the sentence coming out much weaker than I'd hoped. "What about Remus though?"

"Well there were a couple of rumours about him swinging the other way too but they never really took off. People just really like Remus though."

I raised my eyebrow at her, "And people don't like me?"

"Well…"

I guffawed and suddenly felt better, which was odd seeing as she had basically just told me that a significant amount of the Hogwarts population were willing to spread slander about me. Still, I felt I was finally on even footing again. Lying had really never been my strong suit, I preferred to just say the blunt truth and get on with it so covering up who I was for so long had really started to take a toll on me. How Remus managed to lie to the world about his lycanthrope each and every month was a mystery.

"Now start talking," Lily demanded, "What happened on the date?"

My eyes lit up and I felt that mischievous spark return. "But my dear Lily," I said sweetly, "I never kiss and tell."

"What!" she near screeched, attacking me with questions that I attempted to answer in between my laughs.

Now that everyone knew, I felt better and allowed my regular confidence to return.

There was just one more thing I had to do.

* * *

Having finished filling in Lily on the other night's exploits, I strode into the Great Hall with my back straight and my head held high. As soon as I entered the crowd quieted and I felt their whispers, stares and pointing fingers all directed at me. Still, I did not waver.

Remus was half raised from his seat, as if in motion to come stand beside me but I gave him an almost imperceptible shake of my head and he sat down again.

Instead I walked straight up to the Gryffindor table and leapt up on top of it, successfully silencing the entire Hall. Even the teachers gazed on me expectantly. The amount of eyes was enough to make even me nervous but I would be damned before I backed down from something I wanted to say.

I cleared my throat. "You may have heard some rumours about me lately and I just wanted you to know that at least one of them is true," I told the crowd, my voice magnified by a charm Lily had cast on me.

Immediately, the whispers started and I had to call for quiet several times before I achieved it again. I could feel Remus' intense gaze on me as well and resisted the urge to wink at him.

" I'm gay," I told the student body and faculty, putting as much confidence and assertion into those two words as possible. "And anyone who's got a problem with that can kiss my ass."

With that sentiment hanging in the air, I sat down next to James and counteracted the magnifying charm. I sighed, feeling the weight of all those stares lessen slightly, though not much.

James clapped me on the back, exclaiming, "Good job mate! No one tells Sirius Black which inappropriate parts of the human anatomy he likes best."

I laughed, still a little shaky. I was relieved to have it out finally but just a bit drained.

Lily bounced up behind us and slid into the seat next to James, leaning over the bespectacled boy to congratulate me on 'coming out' because it was 'bloody well time.'

I think James just about died having her red hair brush against his arms. Smirking, I turned away from the two lovebirds and settled my gaze on the object of my own affections.

Remus had something close to wonder filling his amber eyes and I flushed in embarrassment at the depth of it. He swallowed from across the table and said in a quiet, sincere voice, "I'm proud of you."

A warm glow seemed to spread through me and I couldn't help the goofy grin that was playing across my expression.

My gaze was torn away from the werewolf, however, when Peter suddenly cried, "So you were gay this entire time? Is anyone else confused!"

My barking laughter seemed to penetrate the noise of the Great Hall but I was too happy sitting there with my friends to care what everyone else was thinking about.

"No Pete," I said, grinning, "It's just you."

"So you're finally out then?" James asked.

I nodded, "Out and proud."

* * *

Thankfully, Gryffindors were fairly accepting and most actually came up to congratulate me on coming out. Even a few of my old girlfriends, who were just happy to finally have a reason for why I dumped them. Personally, I maintain that they were all just annoying but no need to add them back on my enemy list, which according to Lily was far longer than I'd thought.

I kept my distance from Remus that night, in case anyone determined that we'd make a cute couple or something stupid that would ruin the balance he and I seemed to have made. The entire night therefore was rather uneventful.

As I was sitting down for breakfast the next day, however, I received more letters than in all my years at Hogwarts combined. Most seemed to be hate mail and I discarded those quickly. There was also a scattering of letters sent from younger students struggling with their own sexuality and they thanked me and said I was an inspiration to them. I was of course too manly for crying but damn I felt close to tears! Those little bugger knew how to get you right in the gut with their stories and I wished that more than just one of them had signed their name so I could speak with them all personally.

The last letter I read though was probably the most important. In his eloquent handwriting, the Headmaster had written me a request to meet him after breakfast in his office.

The password was: Hershy Kisses

I had no idea what one of these 'kisses' was but knowing Dumbledore it was probably some exceedingly odd candy.

I looked around at all the baubles as I entered the erratic room, enjoying the mix of curiosity and wonder that came over me at the strange sights. Before I could further inspect the various magical trinkets though, Dumbledore called me over in his light voice.

"Sirius," he said with a broad smile. "Please take a seat."

Having been snapped out of my awe, I was beginning to feel a little wary of this visit. I hadn't really done any pranking lately, not since last week anyways and that had been a small one.

I still smiled at the memory of it though because despite his protests, Remus could brew a mean concoction. After taking a few sips of a magical potion at breakfast, the Slytherins spent the rest of the day randomly falling in and out of consciousness. It was so fast that sometimes you'd be walking behind a green clad student and all of the sudden they'd just collapse in the middle of the corridor and sleep for five minutes before getting up again and continuing like nothing had happened.

It had really been quite hilarious and we were already attending our detentions for it. Really, there was no reason to be here.

Still, I took my seat without complaint, gazing at the blue-eyed wizard before me.

His voice was warm when he finally began, "I heard your speech yesterday Sirius and I'm quite impressed. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did and I'm sure it's inspired numerous people."

My eyes widened, the unexpected topic catching me by surprised. I remained mute as he continued.

"It's a hard road ahead of you but you can weather through with your friends and those who are… special to you close by."

The way his blue eyes seemed to twinkle at the word 'special' made me more than a little suspicious. It felt as if he could see straight into my soul and heart, two things that were closely tied with a certain werewolf.

Again reading my mind and misgivings, he said, "Yes I've been noticing your close… friendship with Mr. Lupin."

My heart sunk at his words. "You have?" I asked weakly, wondering who else had noticed.

"Not to worry Sirius," he told me, a faint smile crossing his wizened features. "I'm more observant than most, I'm sure your secret is safe. You must be careful though. Remus has been through much pain and it will take a very exceptional individual to heal him. Am I to trust in your feelings?"

I nodded fervently, just the thought of Remus hurting making me want to jump up, find the tawny haired boy and envelope him in my arms. Of course, racing out of the Headmaster's office may be interpreted as rude so I stayed put.

"Good," he said, seemingly satisfied by something he saw in my eyes. "Now, about your assailants from the other night… am I right that you were attacked due to your sexuality."

The sudden turn of conversation took me by surprise but I answered quickly, "Yes, they were calling me a fag and telling me that I shouldn't exist or something. I'm sorry, I can't tell you who they are though."

He nodded, his eyes still burning into my soul. "Madame Pomfrey told me of your condition and it is most unfortunate. However, I believe if you were to allow me to retrieve your memory I could uncover what has been hidden from you."

I thought about it for a moment because he really was giving me the choice in the matter. They probably deserved whatever punishment Dumbledore was planning and it would serve as a warning to stay away from me. Yet, for whatever reason, I couldn't bring myself to care whether or not they received justice for their actions.

I realized suddenly that I'd already moved on from the traumatic experience, had already healed. I wasn't even scared of whoever they were and it made me smile knowing that they hadn't remotely succeeded in their goal.

Because really all they had was fear. And I had happiness and friends and Remus.

The first two were important of course but really it all came down to having Remus by my side.

I looked back into Dumbledore's blue, blue eyes and told him in a steady voice, "No. I think… I think I'm actually OK not knowing." I hoped my small smile conveyed all of my thoughts and reasonings behind my choice and judging by his returning twinkle, he understood.

"Of course," he said, "Now I believe you have some classes to attend. You must be rather behind in your coursework."

I sighed, thinking of all the homework I'd missed. "A little but Remus is helping me with that," I replied, smiling at the mere mention of my werewolf.

He nodded, his bright eyes flashing over me again. "Sirius, I meant what I said about you being an inspiration to your peers. Perhaps even to your own professors," the elderly wizard said, his voice full of hidden meaning.

My own eyes widened at his implication, "Professor! Are you saying that you're-"

"I did not say nor did I deny," Dumbledore said with a knowing smile. "To your classes Mr. Black."

Bewildered, I turned away from him and left for my Transfigurations class. As I neared the right corridor though, I couldn't help but smile at the mysterious mans words.

I'd always had the feeling that the greatest wizard in the world was swinging the other way.

* * *

**Hey! I hope everyone's enjoying the story so far and please drop me a line if you are or have any comments/suggestions for it! The REVIEW button is closer than you think :D Anyways, I was thinking of maybe doing some awesome Remus/Sirius fluff next chapter when they attempt to raise a young niffler together! Tell me what you think and REVIEW! It gets you a faster update ;) And don't worry, they're going to get together very soon… hehe *evil grin* REVIEW!**

**-MesserMessa**


	11. Treasure

**Thank you to everyone who had viewed, reviewed, subscribed and/or favourited this story. Speacial thanks go out to livehappy, Lexis-RandomThoughts Mo, TechNoaNcer28, HermioneGrangerisME, moonyorbfoot97 and everyone else who has reviewed numerous times with their opinion and encouragement. You guys are amazing so this chapter's for you :D**

Treasure

**Sirius' POV**

The weekend had finally come but all I could see was a workload of homework taller than myself. I mean, I know that we're all in Seventh Year and will be going out into the magical workplace to make names for ourselves but were all the essays really necessary?

I had seven!

Damn that number seven...

I had dragged myself down to the Great Hall for breakfast that day, despite desperately wanting to sleep in and was now seated next to my fellow Marauders, plus Lily. For whatever reason (coughJamescough), she had taken to sitting with us during meals. Of course, she insisted it was just because we were all friends but I could see the way she was sneaking glances at James.

Oh yeah, I'm onto you and your supposed 'eyes of emerald.'

Dear God, just _quoting _Prongs made me feel like a lovesick puppy. Anyways, back to _my _problem.

I was moaning into my porridge whilst Lily rubbed my back soothingly. "It's really not that bad Sirius," she cooed in my ear, smiling softly. "Only a couple of missed assignments."

Finally raising my head from the cold mash where it had been previously situated, I fixed her with a grumpy expression.

"Only a couple!" I exclaimed, waving my hands expressively. "Try three potions, a star chart, 9 different spells to master and get this... seven essays!"

I looked around to see the wonder on their faces at my proclamation of the continuing seven pattern but their expressions were blank. My face fell, "'Cau- 'cause there's just too many sevens..." I trailed off weakly, shoulders slumping.

Was I really the only one who noticed this reoccurring theme!

"Aw, baby. It's OK," Lily said, pulling my head down to rest on her shoulder while she stroked my always immaculate hair.

Looking over to James, I could see the obvious inner turmoil that was unfolding inside his head. I could almost _hear _his thoughts.

"_Look how caring she is,"_ Sappy James said.

Then Jealous James would rear his head, "_but why is she hugging __him__. Especially when __I'm__ right here!"_

Of course with Jealous James came Horny James who was noticing how her cleavage was just barely peaking out of her weekend clothes.

"_And he's so close to her boobs!"_ he whined, although I'm not sure which one that would be... possibly all three.

Either way, I could see the distress that was knitting his brows as this internal argument was playing and I, of course, was required to add to it.

Flashing James a smirk, I snaked my arms around her waist and buried my nose into her chest. "Thank you Lils, I really needed a hug!" I was near sobbing in my theatrics and took time to shoot Prongs a quick wink to let him know I was doing it just for him.

If the tightening of his hand on that poor fork was any indicator, I'd say that Jealous James was there for an encore.

Pulling away from the redhead, I faked wiping away a tear and said, "Sometimes, I just need someone to hold close, very close."

Lily looked between me and James, noticing the smirk I was giving him and his answering glare. Putting two and two together, she reached out and smacked the back of my head.

"Ow!" I cried, rubbing the sore spot and hoping that my hair wasn't mussed to badly. Across from me I heard a small giggle escape from Remus.

Raising an eyebrow and his rather unmanly laughter, I said, "Oh so you find this funny do you?"

"You getting completely owned by a hundred pound girl? Definitely," he said with a teasing smirk, despite the slight flush that had come to his face after he realized that I heard his giggle.

I smiled at him, wishing I had some witty remark to counter with but I was already too engaged in just watching the expressions of his face and the emotions in his eyes. His rising colour though snapped me out of my trance and I finally responded.

Flinging a couple of potatoes at him, I responded, "Yeah, well you'll be having to spend quite a lot of time with this victim of Lily's savagery because you have to catch me up on all my schoolwork."

"I'd hardly call it savagery," Lily said with her signature eye roll. James was quick to agree although he was probably just still miffed about me being all cuddly with his crush.

Peter snorted, "Anything that messes with his 'perfect' hair is savage in Sirius' books."

They all laughed at my pout before I grinned. "Hey, this hair is what keeps the male and female population running to me."

"It's true," Remus nodded, flushing a dark scarlet as he realized what he'd said. "I- I mean, um..."

Ignoring the warm glow that was slowly spreading inside of me, I laughed and jumped off the bench. "Come on Remmy," I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him over the table, "We have a Niffler to train!"

I didn't see the dreamy smile that came onto the werewolf's face as I held his hand but Lily definitely noticed and made a note to tell me as soon as humanly possible. Well as soon as humanly possible _after _James showed her the secret passageway to Honeydukes.

* * *

**Remus' POV**

I couldn't believe that I was holding his hand and that he was holding mine. My large grin was probably completely ridiculous. After all, he'd already told me that he wanted to be with me but I simply couldn't help my schoolgirl butterflies or fantasies.

He continued to lead me down the corridor, still talking about how to execute a proper hair flip. I was barely listening though, my treacherous thoughts leading down some more than dangerous paths.

I mean, what was so wrong with dating him? We could do it secret and no one would be the wiser, as I knew Sirius could be discreet if he really wanted to. And why did I have to refuse myself happiness every time it presented itself to me.

I risked a glance at the aristocratic features of Sirius Black, which were currently alight with emotion as he spoke.

"And that Justin kid in Hufflepuff does the flip all wrong," he said shaking his head, oblivious to my stare. "They should really call him Justin _Beaver_…"

Feeling my cue, I chuckled at his comment and he flashed me smile so filled with happiness that it left me dazed. The idea that I could cause anyone that level of joy- let alone someone as perfect as Sirius Black- with a small laugh left me completely baffled. Still I smiled back, trying to hide the confusion that I was sure was playing in my eyes.

Padfoot's slight frown assured me that he'd seen my puzzlement but he didn't comment and for that I was grateful. If he had remarked on it, I'm not sure what I would have told him. Surely not the truth.

I blinked slowly as I realized that we were already outside of Hagrid's hut.

"When did we get outdoors?" I asked Sirius, turning towards the raven-haired boy with a perplexed expression.

He laughed at my confusion and hooked his arm in mine. I shuffled closer to him, finally noticing the chilled November air and loving the warmth that he provided. The Gryffindor smiled fondly down on me before marching the two of us up to Hagrid's door.

The half giant greeted us with a large grin, "Hey Sirius! How yer feelin'?"

"Fine, Remmy and I are finally going to start on that Niffler project," Sirius answered. "Do you mind letting us spend the day with the little bugger- what was his name again? Nelly? Nancy?"

"Nifty," I supplied with a small smile, remembering the day perfectly. Of course, most days I spent with Sirius were appraised, sorted and documented in an orderly fashion. Was it a bad thing that my entire filing cabinet of memories consisted of one raven-haired boy?

I looked again at his soft hair and brilliant grey eyes and decided for not the first time that it wasn't a bad thing at all.

"'Course, yer can," Hagrid said with a giant sweeping gesture that almost took off both of our heads had we not ducked in time. "There just ou' back."

Bidding our farewell to the games keeper and with a promise to visit soon for some tea and rock cakes, Sirius and I made our way around the stone hut.

"I've got to confess to you that I don't think I'd make a terribly good mother," I told him with a nervous laugh, darting looks at him.

The corners of his mouth twitched into a barely suppressed grimace. "Well looking at my family history, I don't think that I've got the maternal instinct either."

I touched his arm softly, hoping to convey some of the comfort I wanted to give. He caught my hand and lifted up so it touched his face, sighing as I took control again and cupped his cheek gently. Realizing that I was far too focussed on the way his soft lips were parted, I took a step back, coughed awkwardly and continued walking.

I attempted to ignore the soft chuckling from behind me as Sirius took in my social ineptitude. Of course, just the sound of his laughter made me smile as well.

Returning to my side, he stayed close enough that our arms brushed together but did not take my hand like in the tunnel to Hogsmead. I was surprised by my own longing for that contact, which only led me back to thoughts on accepting his offer.

"_Would it really be all that awful?" _I couldn't help but think. _"Couldn't we make it work?"_

My thoughts were again interrupted as we were greeted by the loud snuffling noises of the gold hunting Nifflers. Taking ours out of his less than secure cage, we were left staring at each other with no idea of what to do.

"So," Sirius began, "how exactly do we train this thing?"

I shook my head. "I have no idea. What with the Hogmead trip, then you in the Hospital Wing and catching us both up on work, I haven't even researched it."

He chuckled, "Maybe we should've done that first."

"Oh well why don't you just go climb up to the library then," I snorted, swatting at his arm when he only laughed at my comment. Soon after, I gave in with my own semi-reluctant smile.

"Well we're here now so I guess we should just hide some gold and see what he does."

Sirius nodded at my plan, deeming it a good one.

If only we knew how wrong we were.

As soon as I pulled out the gold from my pocket, Nifty attacked. He leapt from Sirius' seemingly secure hold and flew threw the air to hit me squarely in the face.

Sirius seemed frozen as I struggled with the adorable beast that was currently trying to claw my eyes out. Torn as he was between bursting into laughter and actually helping his love interest out, there were a few moments in which he remained completely motionless. Finally my distressed calls for help broke through his reverie and he sprung into action.

He pulled the little bugger off of me but it immediately squirmed its way out of his hands again, now in a fright. Quickly snatching some gold with its teeth, it began to burrow into the ground.

Gasping as I was on the ground, I had enough of my senses to grasp my wand and cast an immobilizing spell on it. The creature was much easier to handle frozen.

Sirius sent an apologetic look at my Niffler torn face, picked up the motionless bundle of fur and put it back in its cage.

"Um, maybe we should do that research first after all," he said, helping me up and assessing the damage.

I averted my eyes from his grey ones, the concern in them feeling a little too overwhelming. "That would be a good idea," I agreed, mumbling. For the third time that day, my thoughts began to get away with me.

"Well, we can do that later," Sirius assured me in a gentle voice, his eyes softening rapidly as he stroked my one unbloodied cheek. "Lets just get you to the Hospital Wing."

I gulped and found myself unable to answer. There was too much emotion in his eyes and too much bubbling up in my chest, the feeling screaming to be free. I could only nod mutely as he led me back up to the castle by the hand.

"_What if…" _kept swirling around my head through the daze.

* * *

When we walked into the Wing, we were not greeted by the brisk, motherly concern that Madame Pomfrey usually extended towards us. Instead, she took one look at my bloodied face and gave an exasperated sigh.

"Why is it that I can never get rid of the two of you?" she asked us, before continuing to speak to no one in particular. "Honestly, it's like as soon as I patch one up, the other comes in bloody."

"Er sorry-" I began but she didn't seem to hear me and just cut through my apology, pointing an accusing finger at us.

"Worse than James Potter, you are. And that's saying something because that boy is here every week like clockwork. Quidditch, swords, potions, rodents! Every ailment that boy could have he has and here you two are going after his record."

She _tsked_ again but it finally seemed safe to speak.

"Sorry Ma'am," Sirius said, layering on his famed charm. "A Niffler was getting a little greedy over Remus' gold."

I snorted, "Yeah, and this one was slower than a sloth helping me out."

"Hey, I was making a plan of action!"

"Is that what you call laughing your bloody head off at my pain?"

I attempted to glare at the boy but then he did this over theatrical eye twitch and it just set me off laughing. Sirius swung his arm around my shoulders and sent me blushing like a schoolgirl again.

"So can you patch up ol' Remmy here?" he asked the Matron with his characteristic grin in place.

Bewildered by the sudden change in our moods, Madame Pomfrey could only nod and swear quietly that she would never understand boys. Even at her age.

About a half hour later, I was sitting on one of the Hospital Wing's immaculate beds with Sirius. I was still shaking off the after effects of a particularly foul tasting potion when I came to a decision. Perhaps it was just the healing liquid talking but I felt fairly confident in what I wanted to say.

I turned to my fellow Gryffindor and Marauder and took a deep breath, forcing myself to look into his gleaming grey eyes without getting lost in them.

"Look Sirius," I said, my nerves returning suddenly and forcefully. Still slightly inebriated by Pomfrey's concoction however, I pushed through. "I've liked you for a long, long time and I believe you when you say that you like me as well."

As I considered how to phrase my next sentence, I didn't hear Sirius quietly correct me under his breath.

"Love you actually," he murmured to himself, turning a bright red when he realized that he had said it out loud. Seeing that I hadn't heard him though, he was able to breath a sigh of relief.

"So," I said, swallowing away my anxieties, "if you want to try this- whatever it is- I'd be good. With it. You know."

I stumbled through the last part, searching out his face for a reaction. The possibility of him finally realizing that I wasn't actually worth his attention and rejecting me plagued my mind and made me feel slightly faint. Of course, I could also contribute that to the medicinal mixture.

I realize that I'm basically just blaming everything on that potion but I was too nervous to really care.

His steely eyes were filled with warmth and mischievous as he asked shrewdly, "Remus John Lupin, are you asking me to date you?"

I was sure that my newly healed face was a bright, bright red but I nodded with all the confidence I had, which seemed to be a surprising amount. I suppose being around the one that you fancy does that to you.

He laughed at my blush and captured my hand with his own. "I'd love to," he whispered, leaning closer to me to ghost his lips over mine.

I smiled and began to lean into his retreating kiss when the curtains were ripped apart.

We sprang apart and I glanced up with surprise at the grinning face of James Potter, followed closely by Peter and Lily. Without even looking at him, I could sense Sirius glaring with all he had at his best mate and I tried to hide my smile.

"So who got attacked by a two pound fur ball?" he asked with an overwhelming amount of amusement, ignoring Sirius' pointed looks.

I groaned and buried my head into my hands, feeling Sirius tug one of my arms up into the air.

James gave a hearty laugh and slapped me on the back. "You know for a werewolf, you don't really inspire much fear."

"How far do you want to test that theory?" I shot back, giving him my best glare though it was tempered by a rather lazy smile.

He held his hands up in surrender. "Touché," he laughed, "now lets get out of here."

Agreeing wholeheartedly and hoping to avoid the room until the next full moon, I followed the group out of the Wing.

Lily and James were at the front, chatting enthusiastically with Peter trailing behind, attempting to add to their conversation when he could. Sirius and I were taking up the rear, my breath hitching when I felt his hand hover and then land on the small of my back.

"So if we're a secret couple now?" he breathed in my ear. "Should we tell our best friends?"

I hesitated.

* * *

**Hey! So what do you think? Should Remus tell them or should they try to sneak around a very suspicious Lily, forcing her to team up with James to figure it out? Ah, the possibilities :D Please review and tell me your opinion, I love hearing them or even just a quick one liner is awesome. Please click the button and I shall update faster! ^.^**

**-MesserMessa **


	12. Closeted

Closeted

_"So if we're a secret couple now?" he breathed in my ear. "Should we tell our best friends?"_

_I hesitated._

Remus' pause really answered all of my questions and while I was unhappy to begin lying again, I really doubted being able to take James' reaction.

Knowing him, he'd probably try to set us up on some sort of over-extravagant date.

And that was _my_ job.

"OK, so we keep it a secret," I said, "Want to meet me in a broom closet after dinner."

Remus blushed and swatted at my arm, silently agreeing to my proposal.

I laughed, trailing after the werewolf when he used his long slim legs to outpace me and catch up to the other three. Personally, I was perfectly fine standing back and watching his tight ass saunter forwards. I shook my head; unsure of how I ever thought girls were attractive when I had such an ass right in front of me.

And then there were the other parts of his body…

Suffice to say that I was really looking forwards to our broom closet adventures.

* * *

Lily was looking at me.

Not just looking at me but _staring_ at me, her suspicion clear in those green eyes. I was doing my best to ignore her concentrated gaze by focussing on my schoolwork, although I suppose my working at all was enough to make anyone mistrusting.

I tapped my foot anxiously on the floor, my colour rising at the pressure of her stare. I was relieved when she finally broke the silence and said, "You seem awfully nervous there Sirius."

Well, she just crushed my relief.

Remus raised his head from where he was reading on his armchair. It was literally his armchair too- he charmed it to only accept his royal butt and I was forever attempting to counteract it. Unfortunately, to no avail so far.

His amber eyes flicked between the redhead and I before smirking and returning to his book, obviously deciding to leave me to deal with it. I silently cursed the lovable werewolf for his rather evil tendencies.

"Nervous! Me? Pshh, what would give you that idea, certainly not me? I'm just working on my, er, work," I said without meeting her eyes, gesticulating expressively at the essay I was working on.

"Right," she drawled, her eyes gleaming with that damn intelligence of hers. James and I really needed to stop going after the smart ones because between her and Remus, we would never get away with anything ever again. "Then why don't you come and help me with this star chart."

I shook my head weakly, "But I have my-"

"Now."

Normally, I was a pretty strong, confident individual, perfectly capable of lying and keeping secrets. When around Lily however, well I don't know how she does it but she can practically drag the truth out of you. Luckily, I knew I had a reward for my silence waiting only a couple hours away.

After giving one more 'help me or die' look at Remus- which he simply chuckled at and shook his head- I took a seat next to her at one of the round Common Room tables.

"So what do you need hel-" I began before she once again cut me off.

"What's been going on with you Sirius," she asked, darting suspicious looks at Remus who just continued to innocently read. "Has something happened between you and him?"

Finally deciding that this was the time to employ whatever deceitful skills I possessed, I lied, "No, nothing at all."

She didn't look at all convinced so I swallowed and stood up, announcing, "I'm going for a walk."

With a discreet but significant glance at Remus, who was now watching me as well, I departed.

* * *

**Lily POV**

I knew something was going on between the two of them; their interactions were different, gentler and more cautious. After Sirius left though, I was stumped. I noticed that Remus was watching the entrance through which the raven-haired boy had disappeared with a pensive expression on his scarred face.

"Do you know what's going on with him?" I called out. He blinked, coming out of his thoughts and looking at me with a steady expression.

"No idea," he said, shrugging his shoulders and returning to his reading.

Still wary, I continued my own work whilst still sneaking small looks at the werewolf. He didn't seem at all perturbed though and after about ten minutes, carefully marked his place in the book, stood up and said he was going to finish reading upstairs.

He left and I was alone with my confusion.

Only a couple minutes passed before James opened the door and entered the Common Room with his hair adorably ruffled.

Wait, adorable?

I could hardly ponder my minds word choice because the moment his hazel eyes landed on my green ones, my stomach did a pleasant flip and I lost my train of thought.

And however that sounds, I would like to repeat that I do _not _fancy James Potter.

He smiled at me, breathing "Lily." The result of which made my insides melt and my mind grow blank.

OK, he was all right.

Then, something thudded into him, knocking him a little to the side. The door opened slightly more before closing with a quick snap.

I rushed over to him, steadying the wavering boy with my hand and _not_ thinking of the muscle contracting beneath my fingers. "Are you OK?" I asked.

He nodded, his glasses slightly askew. "Yeah, but what just hit me?

"James, where's your invisibility cloak?" I questioned, my eyes narrowing as the idea came to me.

"Right upstairs…" he told me, his own eyes widening as the realization of what I was saying hit him. I couldn't help but think the look was slightly cute, I mean he could have tamed dementors with that child like surprise.

"_Accio_ invisibility cloak," he said, waving his wand. There was a muffled cry from the Fat Lady as something collided with her portrait and we opened the door in silence.

There, sitting on the floor was the soft fabric of invisibility, the Fat Lady crying out, "That ghastly garment just came flying at me while I was minding my…"

I turned to James who still looked slightly bewildered and said, "Remus"

* * *

**Remus' POV**

I shoved Sirius into the wall, attacking his mouth with my own hungry lips and loving the way he responded. The real thing was far better than anything I had ever imagined and I had spent the better part of a year coming up with these fantasies.

"Whoa, Remus," he chuckled at my intensity, "animalistic much?"

I smirked and began to slow down my kisses, keeping them long, slow and chaste even when Sirius tried to deepen it. Finally I took my lips away from his to trail savoury kisses down his jaw and on to his collarbone, suckling at a particularly sensitive spot that I'd found.

He was breathing heavily, his hand place firmly on my hips. "OK Remus, you've proven that you're civilized now just kiss me!" he said, his voice husky.

I smiled against his skin but complied, bringing my lips back up to his. I traced my tongue lightly across his bottom lip, seeking an entrance that I was quickly and eagerly granted.

Already our tongues were dancing across each other, battling for dominance as we explored one another mouths. His talented fingers had risen to my hair, tugging through the strands and massaging my scalp in the most amazing way.

Deciding to retaliate, I sculpted my tongue against his and began to win our war of lust, gaining control.

He moaned against my mouth and pulled me even closer, grinding our rising erections ever so slightly against each other. The blood was pounding in my ears and sensation was exploding all across me, just the feeling of Sirius exciting me beyond thought.

Finally our need to breath overrode our need for each other and we pulled apart. Sirius pressed his forehead against mine and looked at me with something close to wonder in his grey eyes. "Wow," he breathed, slightly shaky. "If I had known you were such an amazing kisser I would have done this years ago."

I smirked, trying to hide my own trembles. "If I'd known you were into guys, I would have jumped you years ago."

He laughed, "Only you, Remus, only you."

We began to kiss again, Sirius' fingers dipping under the hem of my shirt to stroke at the sensitive skin there. Just as we were starting to get really heated though, a noise from the corridor interrupted us.

And it sounded like James.

"Damn it," Sirius muttered, his hand still hovering over my stomach. "Didn't you say you had the invisibility cloak?"

I shook my head, remembering the quick escape I'd made. "No, they must have figured it out because I was barely turning the corner when it flew off of me. _Accio_, I'm guessing."

Sirius groaned, sending another twitch down my groin. Of course now was not the time so I used my well-learned will power to fight the growing arousal. It was actually a little harder than I'd imagined, the wolf within me growling and impatient to have my way with the raven-haired boy standing so close to me. However, I'd had a lot of experience over the years repressing such urges- especially around Sirius- and was able to gain some semblance of control over my body as I strained my ears for other sounds.

We both stood completely still, waiting for James to speak again.

"Maybe he went to the library, you know how he loves the place."

"Then why'd he have to use the Invisibility Cloak if he was just going there?" a female voice countered, and at this we froze. Up until that point, I think we'd both assumed he had employed Wormtail to help him, certainly not the familiar voice that had so often screamed her hatred for the bespectacled boy.

I pulled out the Marauder Map from my pocket, something else I'd stolen to prevent anyone from finding us. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," I whispered, tapping the blank parchment and watching as ink spider webbed across the page to form Hogwarts complex layout.

Beside me, Sirius cast _lumos_ and we scoured the map until we found our two footprints- practically on top of each other, I might add with a slight blush- and two other dots right outside.

James and Lily.

I looked up at Sirius and saw him grinning, happy that his friend was finally spending time with his love even if it put our own secret in danger.

James sighed and I could practically see him running his hands through his messy hair. "Well where do you suggest?"

"I'm not sure… Sirius left in a hurry too…"

"Well he's still trying to catch up on his school work so maybe _he's_ in the library."

"Really, Sirius? In the library? He hates staying still enough to just read a book, let alone being surrounded by them."

I could hear Sirius huff beside me, knowing it to be truth but still managing to sound indignant at it. "I can too stay still," he muttered.

I smiled, pressing a small kiss to his lips before returning to our eavesdropping. I ignored the grin I saw on his lips after my small display of affection, as I knew dwelling on it would just make the wolf come out again.

"Er you know Lily, all this speak of libraries and work was making me wonder if," James gulped, sounding incredibly nervous, "if you might help me with that Potions assignment. You don't have to if you don't want though, I-I was just having trouble and I know you're brilliant at it so-"

Lily finally cut off his ramblings, a smile in her voice, "I'd be happy to help."

I beamed at her answer, happy that my more reluctant friend was finally giving James a chance. The two stayed outside of our broom closet talking for a while and in that time we had shifted so that I was now sitting in Sirius' lap, his arms wrapped around me.

I snuggled a little closer, just allowing the feeling of _rightness_ wash over me. Being in his arms was where I belonged and I was happy to stay exactly where I was.

Our first snogging session had been heated, funny, slightly awkward and now just sweet. Perhaps best of all was that our other two friends were going to be spending some time alone together, after all the tiptoeing they've been doing. Even after James and Lily left the corridor, we just sat and enjoyed each other's company, our whispered conversation flowing freely and easily. We were best friends after all.

Sirius laughed at the story I was telling, the sound vibrating on my back and making me feel warm inside. "No, it was so embarrasing!" I said covering my face with my hands but smiling all the same. "Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut?"

He just chuckled again, "You know I love that about you."

We both froze, the words impact slowly settling in. I turned around to look at his shocked expression, unsure of what I was going to say even as I opened my mouth.

Fortunately- or perhaps unfortunately, we'd never really know- I was interrupted when the door was suddenly wretched open, leaving us staring up at the surprised face of Peter Pettigrew.

I sighed. Well this was going to be hard to explain.

* * *

**Bonjour my amazing readers, another instalment has been completed. Was Peter a surprise? He was to me too but I have some rather interesting scenes planned for our favourite couple now that the plumpest Marauder knows. Tell me what you think should happen and what you think of the chapter/story so far, I'd love to hear from you. So click that REVIEW button! XD**

**Er, please? :)**

**-MesserMessa **


	13. Awkwardness

Awkwardness

The door was suddenly wretched open, leaving us staring up at the surprised face of Peter Pettigrew.

_I sighed. Well this was going to be hard to explain. _

Sirius POV

"Oh hello Pete, we were just cleaning out the, er closet," I said as casually as I could despite my thumping heart and blushing face. I tried to subtly retract my arms from around Remus but I could feel Wormtail's eyes following my movements closely.

Said werewolf was also trying to garner some sort of distance between the two of us, accomplishing a movement that was half wiggle and the other half butt scootch. I would have laughed if I weren't so afraid of what this would mean for our relationship.

"So you always sit in each others laps while cleaning?" he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

Both of our faces were a bright red at this point and I couldn't tell if he was joking or being serious about his question.

"Er, yes," Remus said, his words sounding more like a question than a statement.

Suddenly, there was movement in the corridor, and thinking of James and Lily returning, I pulled Peter into the closet, flicking my wand to close the gaping door.

"What the-" Pete exclaimed as he tumbled into the now crowded broom cupboard.

I shushed him and scrambled up to press my ear against the wooden door, straining to hear any sounds. I briefly registered Remus' amused chuckle behind me and while I made a note of hearing the throaty sound more often, I put most of my small attention span into listening.

Apparently I wasn't far off in my suspicions either because before long I could hear the laughing voices of James and Lily in the corridor.

"- And by that time Remus was half way up the chimney trying to get Kreacher out, Peter was screaming at us that Mrs. Black was coming back and Sirius and I had to somehow vanish the pig and clean up the whole place without magic!"

Lily laughed, "were you able to do it?"

"Yup! Well, mostly. Mrs. Black found the pig three days later, he had taken up residence in Kreacher's little nest."

"You guys are crazy," Lily said with a smile in her voice.

I snorted. "That's an understatement," I grumbled, Remus elbowing me in the ribs and motioning for me to remain silent.

James chuckled, most likely ruffling his hair as he did so. "Yeah, probably," he agreed. "So, uh, seeing as we can't find those pricks I call friends, w-would you mind, um, helping me with some potions?"

"Hey!" I said, putting as much indignation as I could into the softly spoken word. From beside me I could see Remus try to smother his laughter.

"At least they're talking to each other," the werewolf pointed out.

I frowned, "but do they have to get all cosy while insulting us?"

Remus shrugged, smiling that lopsided smile that I adored. Without thinking, I leant forwards and place a small, chaste kiss on the lips that had been capturing my attention for months.

"Wha- what was that!" Peter spluttered, shocked at our public display of affection despite having found us in each other's laps only a couple of minutes ago.

Hmm. Does it count as PDA when you're kissing in front of your friend, even if said friend, you and your love interest are all locked in a closet trying to avoid being found out by everyone, including your two other friends right outside.

I shook my head: the situation was simply too complicated.

Returning back to Peter's question, I answered as casually as I could. "Oh Pete, you know I'm gay."

"Yeah, well I didn't know you _and_ Remus were getting your gay on _together_!"

Remus laughed at the odd expression, "Sorry I didn't tell you but I think I'm gay as well."

I grinned and slung my arm around the tawny haired boy in the tight space we had to work with. "No worries though Pete, this guy only sprouts rainbows for me."

"I do not sprout rainbows!"

"Fine… you're the only Tarzan I let find my banana."

"Sirius!"

I had to smother the bark like laughter that was threatening to escape my lips as I took in Remus' distressed expression and Peter's confused one.

Wormtail seemed to be turning over the phrase in his mind, "but you don't have a banana…"

This of course only made me laugh harder than ever.

Remus slapped the back of my head, effectively silencing me. With only a slight smirk still on my face, the three of us leant forwards to listen in on what James and Lily were doing.

Lily POV

I couldn't believe I was here- alone- with James Potter and having a decent conversation. Sure it had all started on a futile search for Sirius and Remus but the more time I spent with the hazel-eyed boy, the more intrigued I became with him.

He was funny, smart, attractive and behaving like a perfect gentleman. He hadn't come on to me since the summer really and the transformation left butterflies in my stomach.

I had actually been dreading parting ways with him even though I knew I was supposed to hate the boy in front of me.

And when he'd asked me to help him with his potions, I felt my mouth go dry and I willed away the urge to swallow the lump in my throat.

I do not like him. I do not like him. I do not like him.

That had been my constant mantra since the beginning of the year yet even I knew that it was becoming less and less true as each day passed.

I was falling for him- and I didn't know how to stop it.

Shaking my head I resolved to talk to Sirius- when I finally found him- about it later. I wasn't so sure how that'd happened either but somehow Black and I'd become friends as well. Trading advise on our love interests just brought you closer I guess.

Oh God… I just thought of James Potter as my love interest. I was falling faster than I'd thought.

All of these thoughts ran through my head in the space of a second as he waited for my answer on whether or not I'd help him with his Potions.

I smiled; willing the flips my stomach were doing to go away and said, "Sure, I'd love to. Where do you want to go? Library?"

The boy in front of me hesitated, glancing around the corridor and assessing its emptiness. Finally he responded, "Nah, too loud. Let's stay here."

"The library's too loud for you?" I asked, amused. My raised eyebrow spoke volumes concerning my fond scepticism.

"Oh yeah," he said as he pushed his glasses up his nose with a grin. "All those pages rustling and people screaming… it gives me a headache."

"People screaming?"

"From the paper cuts. Reading is a dangerous endeavour, not to be taken by those of faint heart."

I laughed at his mock seriousness and seeing me respond seemed to melt away his deadpanned face. His eyes became softer, warmer, and it made my knees go weak.

Gulping, I looked away and gripped my wand. Summoning the magic within me, I swished my wand and muttered, "_Accio satchel._"

In a moment, my brown bag appeared racing towards us before coming to a sudden halt and falling on the ground. I bent down to pick it up, blushing when I felt James eyes taking me in appreciatively. Somehow, the stare didn't feel lewd or sexual. Simply adoring, and it made me feel far happier than I should.

"So we're just going to work here?" I asked him upon standing upright again.

He nodded, mischief tracing the lines of his lips and colours in his eyes. Carefully, he laid out three quills on the ground beside a small wooden door. It was probably a broom closet.

He stood back and winked at me, his wand raised in the air. I rolled my eyes at his antics but couldn't help the smile that crept up on at me. He jabbed his wand forwards and muttered a small string of Latin as his face screwed up in concentration. The three quills began to change, their shapes being swelled and manipulated until they rested on the form of two comfortable chairs and a table in between them.

I had to admit that I was impressed, a triple transfiguration spell that varied and drastic was not easy. Then again, James had always had an affinity for the course. I almost chuckled as I remembered my anger at having being bested by the now reformed prick many times in that particular class. Transfigurations had never been my strong suit.

"Nicely done," was all I said however, being careful not to over inflate his ego.

Obviously my tactic didn't work though because he beamed at me, his eyes shining slightly with pride. To be fair though, he did try to cover his happiness at my approval with a small shrug.

After he pulled out my chair for me and I sat down, I took a deep breath and said, "So where do we start?"

Remus POV

The three of us still had our ear pressed against the door, despite the small quarters we found ourselves in. Sirius' thigh was brushing against mine and it took some control to keep the wolf from coming out again. I swear though, if Peter wasn't here…

I sighed, suppressing those thoughts. I couldn't object the chubby boy to the emotional trauma that would stem from seeing his two best friends 'get their gay on' with each other, as he so delicately put it.

I still chuckled at the words.

My thoughts had gone astray and I had obviously missed part of Lily and James' conversation because Sirius' face was now screwed up in concentration.

_It's actually sort of adorable_, I couldn't help but think with a soft smile. I had wanted him for so long, had pined over him until there was physical ache in my chest and had thought that all was lost. And yet here he was. With me. Alone. In a broom closet.

Admittedly it wasn't quite as alone as I'd hoped- what with one uninvited friend in here with us and two others having a little chit chat right outside the door.

Ah well, beggars can't be choosers right?

Sirius' voice snapped me out of my still spiralling thoughts. "Sorry, what?" I asked, having missed what he's said.

"I said, 'are they having freaking picnic out there?'" he repeated, without looking at my shadowed face.

I looked questioningly at Peter, who had also been paying attention and was much more likely to give a satisfactory response.

"It seems like they're having a study date in the corridor," he explained.

I frowned, not at all liking where this was going. A study date between those two could take hours, especially if they kept their shy banter up.

Sighing, I leant away from the door and shuffled over enough to sit on an overturned bucket. Why a magical school even needed buckets and mops in broom closets continued to puzzle me.

Before I could further consider this befuddled concept, Sirius let out a frustrated groan and pushed away from the door as well. "They're going to take forever!" he huffed, crossing his arms and pouting. I felt that desire to kiss him steal over me again but was able to restrain myself for Peter's sake.

Speaking of Peter…

"Hey Wormtail, what were you doing here anyways?" I asked, tilting my head slightly in question. I ignored Sirius staring at my cocked head with that warm look in his eyes. Why couldn't he bugger off for a moment instead of insisting on trying to make me blush every second of the day?

He scuffed his foot on the floor and looked away embarrassed. "Oh, er, um… no reason," he stumbled through his words, finishing the barely articulate sentence in little above a mutter.

Beside me, Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Really? You just happened to open this particular cupboard for no reason?" He turned to me, his eyes shining in amusement; "Now Remmykins does that seem odd to you?"

"Yes Siripoo," I said, returning the nicknaming favour. "It does seem rather unusual. Care to explain in further detail why you wished to enter this specific room."

His face was burning now and he was not at all enjoying the attention that his friends and idols were giving him and finally answered.

With a heavy sigh, he mumbled, "Thisismytopsecretfoodstash"

Sirius grinned, cupping his hand around his ear. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"This is my topsecretfoodstash," he again rushed out.

I joined in with a smile of my own, "Didn't quite hear that."

"**This is my top secret food stash!"** he said loudly, knocking over a mop in his wild gesturing.

Lily POV

A clattering registered dimly in my ears and I looked up from my book long enough to ask, "James, did you hear that?"

"What?" he said still trapped in some sort of daze as he stared at me. I could feel my face heat up at his attention and I knew this time it wasn't from anger.

Blushing, I returned to the textbook we were sharing and promptly forgot about any sound that I may or may not have heard coming from the cupboard.

For all I knew, it could have been the loud thumping of my heart that being near James seemed to cause.

**Sirius POV**

I was smothering large, manly giggles at Peter's admission. A secret food stash! So very Peter…

I briefly wondered why I didn't have one.

A little miffed now at the idea that Pete had something so awesome that I didn't, I put a pinch of derision in my voice as I asked, "Who has secret food stashes? I mean, really."

I waited for the agreeing statement from Remus but was surprised when only silence answered my eager ears.

I turned to look questioningly at the werewolf but he refused to meet my eyes, blushing and shuffling his feet like an instant replay of Wormtail.

"No!" I gasped as understanding dawned on me. I clutched my heart and willed tears into my eyes, "Not you too Remus! I thought you were my friend but you betrayed me… _you were my friend!"_

He rolled his amber eyes but still seemed a little embarrassed. "It's only for my chocolate," he said simply, as if that explained having a covert-hiding place for the edible.

I felt that fondness well up in me at this new eccentricity. "Come on," I teased, "would we really steal your precious chocolate?"

His glare seemed answer enough for me so I held up my hands in surrender. "All right, all right! That _might_ be something we'd do."

"Might!" he asked in disbelief, narrowing his eyes at me in a rather dangerous way. I'm sure he didn't mean it to but it actually kind of turned me on, seeing his sexy, dark side in the gloomy light.

"Evidence!" he cried, "September 1, 1971- our first year. You and James eat seven chocolate frogs when I left to change into my robes. December 25, 1972 you licked 35 pieces of the chocolate my mum sent me as a way to _claim _them as yours. October 15, 19-"

"Ok, ok!" I said quickly, cutting him off before he could rile himself up to much. I mean I knew the man liked his chocolate but this was bordering on insanity! "You've made your point, we've stolen a lot of your chocolate."

He nodded and seemed at least partially satisfied with my admission and leant back against the shelf that was behind him. "Damn right, there are at least 17 other reported instances."

"Reported to who?" I asked in affectionate exasperation. The werewolf was crazy but somehow it just made me, well _love_ him more. Plus the whole sentence about 'licking' and 'chocolate' made a whole lot of pleasant scenarios flash through my mind.

"Er, reported to the, you know, uh, chocolate… police," he finished with a sheepish look.

I laughed and leaned over to kiss him again, lightly tracing my tongue over his lips before pulling back.

Peter stared between the two of us, twisting his neck fast enough to give him whiplash. "Ew guys," he said, his nose scrunching up a little. "Let's agree _not _to do that in front of Uncle Peter."

We both chuckled and nodded our consent.

Whilst these warm exchanges between friends were occurring behind closet doors, outside of them, Lily continued her attempt at tutoring a lovesick James.

Lily POV

I really don't know how it happened but somehow over the past half an hour, James had managed to scoot his chair close enough to me for our arms to continually brush against each other.

And I refuse to admit that I was in any way included in this chair scooting.

I had not moved from my original position.

Completely one sided.

Am not in denial.

Ok, it's just he smells so incredible! Really it wasn't my fault that the man had such an intoxicating scent and I rebuked any blame on my part.

Wait, what blame? It's not like any one was here judging me.

I sighed as I really was going crazy.

"So it takes two months to prepare because…" James asked, to my very immediate right. The question shattered my thoughts and I returned to the present and all it's fresh-smelling glory.

"It's because the willow root takes a while to fully disintegrate in the potion," I explained, trying to focus as best I could on the lesson I was teaching. Certainly not on the boy I was teaching it to.

He nodded, frowning in concentration as he scribbled the information down on the roll of parchment. His handwriting was awful but the actual wording wasn't too bad from what I'd read and we were nearly finished. Then I'd just look it over and we'd be done.

Unless he needed some help with Charms…

As I contemplated ways to keep him here longer, I almost didn't noticed that he'd recommenced staring at me. I'd been catching him in the act more often now, probably because I myself was finding it harder and harder to look away from his hazel eyes and tousled hair.

I had always secretly wondered what the messy strands would feel like and before I could stop myself, I had reached out and touched a lock.

Our eyes met both green and hazel widening in surprise. "It's ok," he breathed as began to retract my shaking hand.

I nodded, seeming numb and at the same time hyper aware of our close proximity and the sound of his deep breathing. I slowly stroked the softness of his hair, running my fingers through one brown tress.

He leant into my touch and suddenly I found myself cupping his cheek. I was transfixed by his expression as he closed his eyes and sighed in contentment. What seemed like an eternity later, they opened again and his lips parted to speak…

Remus POV

Sirius and I had reverted back to our small, tender touches in spite of Pete's protests. We'd only promised to not kiss in front of the guy after all and I don't think either of could stand being so close and not making some sort of contact now that we both knew the other feelings.

The entire thing still felt a little dream like to me. That a lowly monster such as myself was fortunate enough to even know someone like Sirius, not to mention touch and kiss him, was mind blowing in the most incredible way. My gut clenched in doubt when I thought about our future so I vowed to try to enjoy the present as much as I possibly could.

As we held hands, my thumb lightly stroking over his, Peter continued to listen in on James and Lily's conversation as Sirius and I had our own hushed one.

"I'm sorry our date got interrupted," he whispered, giving my cheek a soft caress.

I snorted, "You call our broom closet snogging session a date?"

"Isn't that the definition?"

I laughed, giving him a small smack on the chest. I leant my head on him and he positioned his arm around my slim shoulders to bring us closer.

"Don't worry," he murmured in my ear, his warm breath tickling my skin and making me shiver. "I'll take you on a real date soon."

I nodded, butterflies clustering in my stomach at the thought of my first _real_ date. I didn't really count the one with the Hufflepuff girl or the Hogsmead trip that ended with Sirius in the Hospital Wing as proper dates.

Sirius' eyes darted over to Peter's turned back before he leant in to deliver none too innocent a kiss. I closed my eyes at the sensation but the moment was ruined when Peter spoke up from in front of us.

"I know your kissing you idiots so you can break it up."

The raven-haired boy sighed in frustration and ran his hand through his hair in a habit that was most likely picked up from spending too much time with James. I laughed and gave him another quick kiss, making a large smacking sound just to distress Peter.

"Guys…" he whined. "You promised."

"Your right, your right," I said, using my hand to block Sirius' oncoming kiss.

He scowled and grumbled at my intervention, "bloody tease."

I gave a coy smile and leant in just enough to whisper in his ear, "Later." For good measure, I took the risk of Peter's wrath and nipped it.

Sirius groaned but our fellow Marauder didn't seem to notice, which surprised the both of us. Looking at him, his face was scrunched in concentration as he eavesdropped.

"I think something's happening between them," he said, still straining to hear, "They've gone all silent."

"What!" Sirius yelped, jumping up as he immediately interpreted what the silence could mean between two sexually tense teenagers.

He lurched towards the door and accidentally tripped on the discarded bucket I'd been sitting on early. I tried to stop his clumsy descent but ended up being dragged forwards as well. Peter squeaked as his friends came barrelling into him and the door, its wooden frame bursting open at the unexpected weight.

Lily POV

I never got to hear whatever words James had meant to say because right at that moment the cupboard beside us inexplicably opened. Three bodies then proceeded to tumble out, spilling onto the cold stone floor.

As I took in the intruders' faces, I concluded that the door opening wasn't all that inexplicable after all.

Sirius looked up at our shocked faces from the floor, his limbs still tangled with Remus and Peter, and shot us a lazy grin.

"Hey kids, how's that local Quidditch team?"

Hehe, it begins and ends with an unexpected, awkward encounter :) I actually had a little trouble writing this one, I got stuck about 300 words into the chapter. I had to wait a couple of days before I took it up again and then I just couldn't stop the words! It was like some sort of biblical flooding of Remus/Sirius slash, Lily/James cuteness and Peter, well uh, _Peterness. _Actually my longest chapter yet! So I hope everyone's enjoyed reading it because I certainly enjoyed writing it, probably one of my favourites really :D Please tell me what you think with that handy REVIEW button below. It's greatly appreciated :)

**-MesserMessa**


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